Last week, The Moral Compass gave his prediction on who should win the Super Bowl. This week, The Moral Compass reviews the Super Bowl halftime show as only The Moral Compass can.

When I heard Madonna would be providing this year’s halftime entertainment, I was not exactly thrilled. When I am picking music to get pumped up for a football game, “Material Girl” and “Like a Virgin” are not my first choices. Even if this was 1985 as opposed to 2012, Madonna is not really a good fit for the Super Bowl.

I can only assume Lady Gaga turned down an offer to perform, so they asked Lady Gaga Classic to fill-in.

But let’s get to the show itself. The opening entrance featured a bizarre Ancient Greek/Roman/Egyptian theme to it. While Madonna’s entourage dressed like an army of centurions and Egyptian S&M enthusiasts, she herself wore something that looked like it had been stolen right out of Isis’ closet.

For a second I thought Madonna had been replaced at the last minute by The Bangles.

And I am still confused about the part with the toga party reject bouncing on a high wire. I was not aware there was a Greek god of goofiness.

Shortly thereafter Madonna was joined onstage by her first of several guest performers, LMAFO. Essentially, we had onstage everything I hate in music. Although I will admit, seeing Madonna “shufflin” almost made it all worthwhile.

This was followed by a self-indulgent round of singing about how much everyone should “luv” Madonna. Grammar aside, was it necessary to have Nicki Minaj and M.I.A. join you in singing a song about how great you are?

As we drew near the end of the set, Madonna was joined onstage by a cheap imitation of the USC Trojan marching band, keeping with the semi-Greek theme we saw earlier, led by Cee Lo Green of all people.

Then, in an amazing bit of performance magic, the all-male marching band transformed into an all-female gospel choir and Cee Lo donned his personal shiny bathrobe (with Madonna suddenly sporting a matching outfit).

With the choir backing them up, Cee Lo and Madonna proceed to ascend into the heavens. Truly we were witnessing a musical miracle.

Fortunately, as I said last week, God is a football fan and was watching the halftime show. Just as Madonna was finishing up her set, God struck her down and cast her deep into the depths of Hell.

Don’t believe me on any of this? Go back and watch the film, The Moral Compass doesn’t lie.

God was not the only person who found this performance immoral – so did I. It was a sin against music and good taste. Even if you liked all the performers we saw, too much of a good thing can be bad – and too much of a bad thing is even worse.

I didn’t even mention Madonna lip syncing early on, Madonna nearly falling offstage and M.I.A. flipping off the camera.

Yet despite all this, it was entertaining (if for the wrong reasons) and it was ten times better than The Black Eyed Peas from the year before.

Until next time, don’t do anything The Moral Compass wouldn’t approve of.

P.S. Did I mention I was right last week about which team to root for? Never doubt The Moral Compass!