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Creating stronger bonds in a relationship through role-playing

Abby Student Evergreen Relationship columnist

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To be yourself, or not to be yourself? That is the question.

Couples everywhere are heading to the bedroom for a little amateur acting, known as fantasy role-play, and coming back with rave reviews.

Doctor and patient? Teacher and student? Domination? Having a threesome?

Figure out what turns you on, and don’t be bashful. Whatever it is that you’re into – you’re not as ‘freaky’ as you think.

You’re actually astoundingly normal.

According to a study by the British Sexual Fantasy Research Project, experts conclude that sexual fantasy is practically innate.

The study conducted in Britain and the United States showed 96 percent of adult males and 90 percent of females admitting to fantasizing about sex.

Psychoanalysts consider these numbers conservative and attribute them to participants conforming to the societal norms surrounding sex.

For those willing to turn their fantasies into reality, role-playing proves worthwhile. Couples that engage in role-play report a deeper level of intimacy and sexual satisfaction.

Research shows that these couples may even be less likely to cheat.

According to statistics from “The Normal Bar”, the world’s most extensive survey on romantic relationships, “sexual boredom” was the reason that 71 percent of men and 49 percent of women gave for cheating on their partners.

Science has linked sexual satisfaction to overall relationship happiness for both men and women.

With that in mind, spicing things up becomes necessary for most couples down the line.

Some of the most common fantasies role-players enjoy include: pretending to be doctor or nurse, hooker or stripper, secretary or executive, slave or master, student or teacher, maid, captive prisoner, repairman, or a random stranger.

Although these sexual fantasies differ, they all generally involve a power differential, forbidden love and costumes or props.

Those that role-play say the experience has benefited their relationship outside of the bedroom as well.

These couples report better communication all around. After sharing their fantasies and letting go of inhibitions, they are able to trust and open up about uncomfortable subjects easily in comparison to those who don’t.

Regardless of where you currently are in your sex life or relationship, if you do decide to test these waters, there are some things you should note.

First, be committed. Get into character and have fun with it. Sex should be fun for both partners. Chances are if you both give your full effort, it will be considerably less awkward.

Wear costumes, makeup and make imaginative leaps comparable to the story line of a Disney movie. Look different. You can be yourself any day of the week.

These aesthetic changes make the difference, especially for men, who have been scientifically proven to desire more physical variety in their sex life than women do.

Most importantly, don’t judge. If there’s one thing that takes the wind out of a person’s sails, it’s being automatically rejected. If your partner reveals a fantasy that seems odd to you, control your reaction. Hear them out, avoid laughing and try it because they’re special to you.

Finally, make sure that role-playing doesn’t dominate your sex life. If your partner can’t excite you without being someone else, there are probably deeper issues at play.

Remember the old adage, “variety is the spice of life.” Try new things and be adventurous. With that being said, also remember: everything in moderation.

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Creating stronger bonds in a relationship through role-playing