Last minute costume ideas for Halloween

Lance Lijewski Evergreen Fashion columnist

 

Brace yourself. Halloween is coming.

The holiday of everything gruesome and scary peaks in its month-long reign of terror this Thursday.

If you’re anything like me, you still don’t have a costume ready. If you’re nothing like me, then good for you.

Last-minute costume makers have the best chance of getting lost in the swarm of kinky Tinker Bells and beefy superheroes. Those in despair have no need to worry, however. This lifetime procrastinator is about to tell you how to redeem yourself.

If you’re a guy who is excessively hairy, put on a tank top, spike up the sides of your hair, shave only the center of your face and slide some excessively long nails between your fingers.

If you look like Wolverine, you’ve followed my instructions perfectly. If you look like the child of Edward Scissorhands and Mark Wahlberg, don’t worry, people stumbling across Greek Row shouldn’t be able to make out the difference.

If that seems too complicated and possibly too expensive, take a trip to a hardware store and grab a basket full of paint color samplers. With a role of strong scotch tape and enough free cards, a coat made with 50 shades of gray could easily be the next sensation.

Now, for the girls afraid of clashing with their best friend and/or worst enemy: you can manage to stay original by actually being scary. I know that sounds impossible, but you can still be wickedly attractive and horrifyingly daunting without looking like Lindsey Lohan’s death bride in “Mean Girls.”

Pull out that old white sundress collecting dust in your closet or have your parents overnight mail that high school dance outfit just aching to be worn. Grab some paint, stencil an oval from the top of the dress to about mid ridge and slide two dark lines in the shape of a plus across the center.

Congratulations! You’re now a walking pregnancy test that reads positive. You’ve managed to stay sleek and sexy, and yet you’ve also managed to become every college guy’s worst nightmare.

If that’s too much for you and you really just want to stay low key, take a cue from Lady Gaga and ransack your neighbor’s freezer. You’ll find some solid steaks and easily be able to make a stunning meat suit out of it.

Never will you crush more vegetarian hearts or hear more people talk about how much they’d love to chew your meat.

For those who really don’t care, but still continue to read this column, put on a cape and draw your favorite profanity across your chest. Now you’re the flying #*&% you’ll never really give.

It’s not that hard to be creative and cheap if you put a little thought into it. But you’re a college kid, and college kids hate thinking.