NICK SANDIFER | Evergreen Cartoonist
Fall is an adored season many people hold close to their hearts.
The autumn air is full of a soft breeze and is accompanied by the rustling of leaves. It is a lovely sensation to experience, especially when the sound of pumpkin spice enthusiasts declaring their love for their orange lord and savior can be clearly heard in the distance.
You can’t deny that our pumpkin overlord dictates every single aspect of our lives during the fall time. It is relentless toward everyone in our society, regardless of the well-known white girl stereotypes. We are all at risk; your roommate who despises pumpkin spice, people allergic to pumpkin, your dog and even you.
Believe it or not, the pumpkin overlord has the ability to influence the ways in which people act and even how they dress during autumn. Some would like to think that the color of the leaves falling from the trees influences our fashion choices, but that’s what the pumpkins want you to think.
Barbara from around the corner, who has fallen victim to the pumpkin overlord, fills her wardrobe with pumpkin-orange sweaters, decorated with fakeness (also known as leaves). The pumpkins’ façade is too strong and well-developed for its victims to deconstruct.
In addition to this, the hot flames in her fireplace are orange like something way too familiar during this time of the year. Coincidence? I think not.
Dare I even mention how the pumpkin overlord dominates our food pyramid?
Both healthy and unhealthy people are at risk for the pumpkin overlord’s nutrition domination. There are pumpkin spice cereals, granola, candies, donuts, yogurt, chips and even dog treats. These scandalous aspects of our inevitable fall diet are frightening.
Do you hope to drink these facts into a dark abyss of nothingness? Sorry, there’s pumpkin spice vodka and beer. Perhaps you can burn some candles and read a nice book to chill out? Nope, pumpkin spice candles are a thing. Oh, at least you can take a relaxing hot shower, right? Oh wait, everything in your bathroom smells like pumpkin spice because it’s in your soap.
As you search frantically throughout your living space and campus for something that isn’t affiliated with the orange menace, the pumpkin overlord is chuckling and tapping its fingers together like the evil goon it is.
However, this autumn isn’t completely bleak. There is an up-and-coming hero to rescue all of us from the pumpkin overlord’s clutch: maple.
Although its presence isn’t as intense as its opposition, maple is making its impact by weaving itself into everyone’s fall diet through the Holy Trini-D: desserts, drinks and decor.
Though the pumpkin overlord’s power seems like it is unstoppable, we can triumph against its malicious grasp. If things get too chaotic, perhaps our neighboring maple leaves will assist us through these dark times, one bottle of maple syrup at a time.
Lauren Ellenbecker is a sophomore studying communication from Anchorage, Alaska. She can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.