When my brother was 3 years old, my mother made a terrible mistake. In a noble photographic effort, she and her best friend attempted to capture a picture of their young children together. They posed my toddler brother in the shot and then handed him a newborn. I know, babies holding babies seems adorable in theory, but it proved quite dangerous in actual execution. 

For a few seconds he was fine, but then the baby girl projectile vomited.

He threw her.  

I don’t blame my brother. He was caught off guard by an unfamiliar liquid. This type of knee-jerk reaction can happen to anyone anywhere, even in the bedroom. 

Female ejaculation, more commonly referred to as ‘squirting’ or ‘gushing’ is closely associated with, but not limited to, G-Spot stimulation. The whitish, clear liquid comes from the Skene’s glands and was mistaken for urine for years by the scientific community. 

Until the late 1980s, physicians treated the phenomenon as urinary incontinence and prescribed Kegel exercises to patients. However, medical experts would eventually find that the proof was quite literally “in the pudding.”

In the early 2000s, medical professionals began to speculate that the fluid might be discharged from paraurethral glands and initiated research efforts. In 2007, Viennese urologist and researcher Dr. Florian Wimpissinger published a study about two women who ejaculated regularly. He and his colleagues discovered that the fluid these women released was chemically dissimilar to their urine. Instead, it contained prostatic acid phosphatase, prostate-specific antigen and glucose, which are analogous to chemicals produced in the male prostate. 

The possibility of “female semen” begged so many questions for scientists, but it left me pondering the obvious: Why don’t more women noticeably ejaculate? 

The percentage of women who can or do regularly ejaculate is unknown for several reasons. What is known is that some women are naturally inclined to ejaculate during orgasm, whereas others can train their body to do so through intense stimulation. Unfortunately, some women will never become a fountain between the sheets.

I know, I said jump. Now you want to know ‘how high?’ 

While quantity and trajectory of ejaculate varies from person to person, do not be misled by modern pornography. As porn does with nearly all aspects of female sexuality, it completely misrepresents female ejaculation. The Old Faithful-esque physical response characteristic of ‘squirting’ porn is nothing more than prop use at its finest.

Directors interrupt scenes and inject water into the vaginal canal of the performing actress. When the scene resumes, the woman will force the water out using the muscles of her pelvic floor. This display, while impressive, is a wildly inaccurate portrayal of female ejaculation and has been a source of anxiety for women who do experience the real thing.

Naturally, these women know the stereotype surrounding ‘squirting,’ and fear the potential stigmatization. This can be paralyzing when it comes to engaging with new partners. Oftentimes, these women avoid new sexual experiences. Other times, they simply don’t want to deal with the cleanup. 

There is something to be said for functionality.

Women who experience ejaculation should be mindful of their partners. Like men, they have a relatively explosive sexual response and should warn the person they’re with prior to orgasm. Many women who regularly ejaculate recommend investing in a waterproof mattress pad and/or laying down a towel prior to sexual activity. However, for unexpected rendezvous, both parties involved needn’t worry as this fluid is colorless, odorless and doesn’t stain fabrics.

In general, no one should ever be embarrassed by their body’s pleasure response. All expressions of sexual satisfaction, verbal and physical, are healthy, natural and should be celebrated.

My advice: Screw unto others as you would have them do to you. The human body is an amazing machine. Treat it that way. If you do, anything you come up against will be a pleasant surprise.​

Whatever you do, don’t throw the baby.