“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.”

Did he stutter? I didn’t think so.

While this Bible verse has served as the backbone for my personal faith over the last 21 years, it has been long forgotten by some conservative Christians as they continue to condemn those deemed socially and sexually “deviant” by other scriptural laws.

Unfortunately, I will not be tackling homosexuality today. Rather than wage a full-blown war on a worthwhile issue, I want to focus on a much smaller, but equally important battle: fetishism.

Similar to an optimist, a fetishist sees incredible beauty where most see nothing more than ordinary objects. They should not be faulted for that. The word “fetishist” describes a person who adores an object or non-genital body part to the point of erotic response. Fetishes range far and wide and are more common than one might think. Psychologist and author Barry McCarthy estimates that anywhere from “two to four percent of men have a fetish arousal pattern,” according to an ABC News article.

Although these numbers are lower for women, they are not nonexistent.

From feet to “Furries,” the Internet is chock-full of people looking to stoke, stroke and smother their sexual fire. While it might seem strange, both kinks and fetishes can be healthily addressed within online fetish and porn forums.

A few common fetishes are feet, shoes, leather, latex and diaper play. However, fetishes can encompass everything from balloons to sneezing.

Psychologists agree that unless a fetish interferes with one’s personal life, ability to function, or hurts others, it is harmless and should be treated as such.

“It becomes unhealthy when it’s causing them to become isolated from other people, intruding on their physical wellbeing and or financial wellbeing,” said Dr. Dawn Michael, an intimacy counselor and clinical sexologist.

Makes one wonder, where do these strong urges and material attachments stem from?

Michael explained that while all fetishes differ in terms of their psychological evolution, she has seen considerable consistency in her 14 years of work.

“In my work, I have found that many fetishes begin between the ages of 12 and 14 for men around the time of puberty,” Michael said. “An incident may happen, that with a small population of men gets stuck in their mind that they masturbate to and it can become a part of their sexual pattern. It can be as small as seeing panties on the ground to being caught masturbating, to more detailed incidents. ”

Michael said she works with many men in her practice and has found that men have to confront their fetishes more often than women do because their genitals are “front and center.”

“If a woman has a fetish, she doesn’t have to perform the way a man does,” she said. “For men, if their fetish isn’t present during a sexual experience, some men may not be able to get a full erection or orgasm.”

The threat of being judged or unable to perform can distress a person to the point that they refrain from engaging in sexual activity with others. However, coming to terms with or sharing fantasies doesn’t have to evoke anxiety.

Rolling out a kink or fetish requires a strong sense of humor, self and vulnerability. The person explaining their kink should first view it as a part of him or herself. After that, they can easily present it as something they aren’t ashamed of, but rather, happily accept. They shouldn’t announce the news with the same trepidation as someone announcing that they have three months to live.

“If the person coming out with a fetish comes at it from the angle: ‘I’m ok with it. I enjoy it. I wear it. I love it. Do you want to join me?’ Then it becomes an open conversation,” Michael said.

Honesty and understanding are key in any sexual conversation. After years of working with husbands who waited to reveal their fetish post-nuptials, Michael said she considers disclosing this information relatively early on as being “sexually responsible.”

Blitz attacks are ill advised as well. Jeff Nepute, psychology resident and outreach coordinator at WSU Counseling and Testing Services, cautions moving too hastily.

“Waiting for someone to say ‘no’ is a terrible way to figure out boundaries that leads to rejection, hurt feelings, and sexual assault,” Nepute said.

For those on the receiving end, be as supportive as possible. If you feel up to it, try it but tread lightly. To be clear, fetishes are not a reflection that a person is dissatisfied with their partner or their sex life together, but rather is something deeply engrained in their sexual routine.

As always, be open, honest and engage in a little laughter along the way. Your bedroom is not a court of law. Therefore, try to keep your judgments few and far between. On the flipside, feel free to object if the situation warrants it.​

CORRECTION: Dr. Dawn Michael’s official title was added to the story.