Take a moment to bask in the glory of the grilled cheese sandwich. Greasier than a cheap spray tan and packed with more flavor than a self-brewed pint of beer, it should be a staple of every college student’s diet.

That being said, here are three ways to prepare the timeless classic: on the go, on the grill and for the snobbiest guests at your dinner party.

Iron it

As a college student with little time for the traditional stovetop routine, pick up a clothing iron to give your sandwich a laundry-fresh crisp.

Find a flat surface, grab the iron and avoid accidentally substituting dryer sheets for the Kraft Singles. I know that last part sounds a bit demanding, but the size and texture of your sandwich might vary if you don’t pay attention.

Use thinly sliced bread and an oil-based spray to distribute heat effectively through the entire sandwich. Avoid butter or margarine unless a sandwich with more burns than the cast of “That ’70s Show” appeals to you.

Once you’ve acquired your materials, quickly construct the sandwich and spray the exposed sides of the bread. Keep the can of oil far from any source of heat.

Make sure there’s no water in the iron. Try the wool setting for a crunchy, light-brown toast. Gracefully place the iron on the bread, and listen to the aerosol trans-fat sizzle.

After about 30 seconds, flip the sandwich and continue ironing. Thirty seconds more, and your wrinkle-free, iron-forged sandwich will be ready.

If you need visual instructions, look up Johnny Depp’s aggressive attempt in the 1993 cult classic “Benny & Joon” on YouTube. Honestly, what’s more bad-ass than Captain Jack Sparrow making a sandwich?

Grill it

Take the delicious dairy-and-carb combo to its roots. Authenticate it. Everything tastes better once tossed over some coals, and cheese sandwiches are no exception.

Grab two slices of your favorite bread. Effective grilling will always depend on how menacing it sounds and how healthy it looks. Avoid Wonder Bread and Sara Lee. Opt for something with substance, like Dave’s Killer Bread or another whole-grain slice.

Upgrade to thicker slices of cheese and solid greasers. Avoid all sprays around the grill, unless you’re prepared for explosions of Michael Bay proportions.

Assemble the crowd-pleaser and place it in the chamber. Grill time will vary with the thickness of the bread and cheese.

Smoke the sandwich for several minutes, flip it and repeat. Then put it in your mouth.

Bake it

This is borderline blasphemy, but any divine sandwich-making power will forgive you. Forego the grill, the iron and the stovetop, and spike the oven up to 450 degrees Fahrenheit.

Whip out a cookie sheet and grease one side of each slice of bread. Place both slices grease-side-down next to each other. On top of them, lay down your cheese of choice. Provolone, Havarti and muenster are great alternatives to cheddar and American.

Next sprinkle spices and stack sauteed vegetables on one of the two slices. Place the cookie sheet in the oven. Remove it after about five minutes, assemble the sandwich and let it cool for a minute. Then serve it to those snobby guests of yours.

In case these methods fail you (or you fail them), The Coug and Valhalla have your back. They’re the next-best options, in my opinion. Whether you make it at home or grab one from a killer pub, the grilled cheese sandwich will never fail to satisfy.