Seven simple rules

Seven+simple+rules

Seven simple rules

Growing up, Dr. Seuss served as a mentor for all my life’s problems. By age 10, he had prepared me for the worst. I knew what to do in the event that I was served discolored breakfast foods, discovered strange objects in my pocket, and encountered a strangely dressed cat not once, but twice.

Among all of his profound literature, one book stands out above the rest. Seuss’ “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” inspired a generation to look forward with hope and plan for the future. Unfortunately, the late doctor didn’t adequately address the college years. If he had, I imagine he would have said something like this:

“You have a twin bed. You can drink tons of booze. You can screw any two-legged thing you so choose.

You’re off to make mistakes. Today is your day. Heartache is waiting. Lord help you, I pray.

So be sure when you step, step with care and great tact. Know fully that you’ll still fall flat on your ass.

Oh the people you’ll know, opportunities you’ll forego, money you’ll blow, and amount you will grow.”

Looking back with a trained eye, I know there are things I would have done differently given the chance. People who meet me now frequently describe me as cynical and unforgiving. After three years of partying, dating, and the resulting disappointment from both, I am at peace with those labels.

Through all of the learning and heartache, I blossomed into a person prepared for the real world, no matter how cynical that makes me. I have transformed and left behind the naïve and trusting freshman that I arrived as in 2011.

But if I could go back and write a letter to myself three years ago, I would forewarn 18-year-old me with seven basic rules to guide my love life:

1.     Listen to your gut and follow it.

If you like someone, follow your heart. If you get strange vibes from them, you’re probably on point. This applies not only to matters of the heart, but to friendships, school, and working opportunities. Your instincts will serve you well at this age. You have years to weigh the pros and cons of situations and consider others’ feelings. Save that decision-making process for when you have a family.  

2.     Accept and play to your strengths.

It took me a long time to accept that in the dating world, I am not the girl next door. I am not blonde, always put-together, or mild-mannered. Getting comfortable with who I was and applying it to both my romantic and social interactions brought me peace. It also helped me attract people who I could see myself with long-term. I realized that although I look and act differently from most girls I see out on a Friday night, I am still sexy and valuable. I learned to love my sense of humor and how to use it to market myself to others.

3.     Don’t play it cool.

My freshman year, I was afraid to ask for what I wanted. I was scared to make demands if I didn’t know the person on the receiving end would absolutely do them or that they felt the same way. I wasted a lot of time playing coy and hoping that they would step up and do what I wanted on their own. They never did. I might have saved myself some embarrassment, but in the end, all I had to show for my relationships were months of wasted time.

4.     Be mean sometimes.

Similar to not playing it cool, don’t sugarcoat things. In the last three years, sugar coating, even to the minimal degree that I did it, resulted in the transmission of some seriously mixed messages. These only made my life more difficult. If you don’t enjoy others’ company, be frank with them. Don’t be afraid to ignore them or flat out tell them that you don’t like them. I’ve learned that not being afraid to hurt someone’s feelings and being okay with being disliked will set you free.

5.     Take chances.

Live like you’re dying because in reality you are. Ask someone out on a date or get his or her number. The only risk you run is rejection. Life is much too short for you to rely on social constructions and wait around for things to happen the “way they are supposed to happen.” You’re in the 21st century and roles are changing. Adapt.

6.     Value your friendships above all.

At the end of every relationship, there is emotional wreckage comparable to that of the Titanic. During a committed relationship, it is hard to imagine that things could ever go sour. Therefore, a lot of women don’t invest time into maintaining their personal friendships and spend all of their spare time with their significant other. Your friends serve as your support system in both the best and worst of times. Don’t neglect them or you will see payback tenfold when it comes time to jump ship.

7. You are the rule, not the exception.

This might be the most important rule I’ve learned in college. I have seen several friends believe the opposite countless times. If you sleep with someone on the first date, he’s probably not going to call you for anything serious, let alone commit to being exclusive. No matter how strong your one-night love connection feels, the only things I can guarantee you’re going to get out of it are looks of disgust on your walk home. If you treat yourself as the rule and expect the standard outcome, you can only be pleasantly surprised when you are the exception. However, if you expect that you’re the exception, you’re going to be sorely disappointed 99 percent of the time.

Recognizing that hindsight is 20/20, I imagine if someone had told me any of this at 18 I would have laughed it off. With experience now on my side, I borrow what I believe to be the most useful words from Seuss’ work:

“I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true, that Bang-ups and Hang-ups, can happen to you.”