At 11:45 Sunday morning, a friend of mine texted me saying that his roommate’s one-night stand was still hanging around their house. As a seasoned Pullmanite, I was mortified; anyone in their right mind would’ve been long gone by then.

Recognizing that one-night stands aren’t the noblest of endeavors in the first place, I firmly believe that under certain circumstances there is a right way to do a wrong thing.

For those that awaken to find themselves the leading role in a one-night love story, I ask that you chalk it up to what it is: a lapse in impulse control.

While I remain a huge advocate for sexual expression, the vast majority of society doesn’t see things through my eyes.

Instead of viewing every sexual decision as an opportunity for personal empowerment, most consider a one-night stand nothing more than a drunken mistake. I regret to inform you that it should be dealt with, not reveled in.

Understand that even the most animalistic of behaviors require rules.

For guests like the woman that inspired this column, I beg of you. Leave ASAP the following morning. Set an alarm before 8 a.m. or leave the night of. In the words of Semisonic, “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.”

Make up any excuse to head out early. Just don’t say that you have to go to church; the irony is just too painful. Say that you have community service, work or a commitment to work out with a friend. Refer back to what your mother taught you about overstaying your welcome and leave in time to avoid an audience.

Similar to being an unwelcome guest, don’t borrow the person’s clothes unnecessarily. While I’m sure you developed an extremely deep connection during your 12-hour tryst, you probably won’t be seeing them for anything more than a booty call in the future.

Therefore, bringing it back will be significantly awkward and unlikely unless they’re persistent in their follow up. They shouldn’t have to suffer a loss because you’re too lazy or embarrassed to walk home in your dress and heels. Be a big girl, grin and bear it. Besides, unless you frequently rock oversized basketball shorts in your everyday life, you’re a walking billboard for casual sex.

With that in mind, homeowners should be hospitable toward their guests. You needn’t rival a bed and breakfast, but at the very least, make an effort to make the other person feel comfortable. Over the course of the night, offer them water or a beverage of their choice, food, or Advil depending on whether or not you expect them to have a headache the size of China in the morning.

Offer to walk or drive them home the following day unless they insist on going by themselves. Treat them with respect, even if you swear they’re a stunt double standing in for the model you bedded the previous night. Everyone deserves respect, even if you have no desire to see them again post morning light.

Finally, both parties should follow two steadfast rules: use protection and don’t kiss and tell. Always use condoms coupled with a permanent form of birth control for the safest sex possible. Neither of you know the other’s sexual history, nor should you leave it up to their word as to whether or not they’re clean. Having sex with a stranger is about as risky as it gets health wise; don’t play Russian roulette any further than that.

On the social side of things, I ask that you try not to discuss the matter with more than one or two friends. While you might view sexuality as a natural part of human nature or find a certain situation funny, others don’t feel that way.

Shortsighted thinking on your part can damage the other person’s reputation. No one wants their sex life broadcast in the present, nor do they want it to haunt them down the road. Avoid this by keeping private things just that: private.

Ultimately, know not to air your dirty laundry in public, regardless of the situation. People make their own choices, but knowing what to share and withhold demonstrates maturity.

In terms of making mistakes, before freaking out, ponder the adage:

“Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.”