Satire: Students opt to party in Pullman, at home for break

Not everyone parties on the beach for vacation; imagine your own fun

MARA JOHNSON, Evergreen columnist

With the last week-long break of the school year coming up, students are hard at work preparing their beach bodies for the fun about to begin.

I’m just kidding. A lot of college students are too broke for a break, and the fantasy of a beachy spring extravaganza was given to us by 22 Jump Street — and every other movie ever featuring spring break in college.

Some students might be lucky enough to have parents who will pay for their drug-and-alcohol-infested beach party in Mexico. Now, I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I’m just jealous because I’m broke and my spring break will take place in a small apartment in Bellevue. For everyone not going on a vacation during spring break, this one is for you.

Not all college kids can afford a fun-filled party week — those students find themselves relaxing at home with family or staying on campus with all the other lonely broke kids.

What most people don’t realize is you can have your own party at home too. Bump some oldies on repeat — the first one that comes to mind is “Like a G6,” because you can’t help but get hyped to that classic bop — and you’ll virtually be transported to a sunny beach.

Anita Joint has found pleasure in the simplicity of staying on campus during the ultimate college party week.

“Since I’m 21, I can legally buy alcohol and party by myself, which isn’t as sad as it sounds,” Joint said. “I can play music as loud as I want without the fear of being judged by other hall residents. Plus I can drunk-cry in a face full of makeup and a nice dress.”

Sure, the lingering winter weather in Washington may make it hard to pretend you aren’t sitting alone on your couch, thousands of miles from the nearest ray of sunshine, but don’t let that stop you from trying. Maybe you can imagine a friend to sit with you on your imaginary beach.

Contrary to Joint’s plan, some students opt to go home for the break and spend well-deserved time with their beloved family. Jack Hoff decided taking the bus home to Seattle would make his spring break truly magical because there’s nothing like time with the family.

“I didn’t really care if I went home or not, my mom just bought me a bus ticket,” Hoff said. “Going home might not be too bad though, all day my parents are at work and my siblings are at school, so the way I see it I’d be alone during spring break anyways. I’m just going to binge-watch Netflix and smoke. Same thing I’d be doing in Pullman.”

Not everyone is going to be at an insane party; some find joy in the mundane. Spring break is ultimately a time to unwind and chill before the end of the semester and finals week, so make the most of it while you can. Besides, a vacation is always great no matter where it takes place, even if it’s dreary old Pullman.

Have fun and stay safe, Cougs, we want everyone back here in one piece.