A slow and painful demise:

1. Life is starting to get hard. A lot harder. Treat yourself. Go to Wal-Mart and get that discount candy. Or maybe Safeway, Wal-Mart was already pretty picked over the last time I checked on Feb. 14. Also, discount teddy bears are always smart.

2. Now that you have your orphaned box of chocolate and pink teddy bear with heart eyes, wash those sheets again. In case you didn’t know, you’re supposed to wash your sheets every week. Weird, right? So wash those bad boys again, shave your legs (if you so desire) and fall into a pit of despair in the warm, soft oblivion of clean sheets, chocolate and stuffed animals. This is my favorite way to procrastinate and avoid being a human.