SATIRE: Family arrival ruins Friendsgiving

All we want is relaxing dinner with companions; we only got sadness

The+five-person%2C+friendly+get-together+is+now+your+mother+pulling+out+baby+photos+for+your+friends+to+flip+through+as+they+eat+her+turkey+while+yours+gets+cold+in+the+kitchen.
Back to Article
Back to Article

SATIRE: Family arrival ruins Friendsgiving

The five-person, friendly get-together is now your mother pulling out baby photos for your friends to flip through as they eat her turkey while yours gets cold in the kitchen.

The five-person, friendly get-together is now your mother pulling out baby photos for your friends to flip through as they eat her turkey while yours gets cold in the kitchen.

MJ MCMURDO | DAILY EVERGREEN ILLUSTRATION

The five-person, friendly get-together is now your mother pulling out baby photos for your friends to flip through as they eat her turkey while yours gets cold in the kitchen.

MJ MCMURDO | DAILY EVERGREEN ILLUSTRATION

MJ MCMURDO | DAILY EVERGREEN ILLUSTRATION

The five-person, friendly get-together is now your mother pulling out baby photos for your friends to flip through as they eat her turkey while yours gets cold in the kitchen.

ZACH GOFF, Evergreen columnist

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.


Email This Story






Friendsgiving is, as the name implies, a time for you and your friends to come together and give thanks for everything you do for one another.

It’s your turn to host, you have the table set with enough places for four of your closest friends to come over and have some sort of food other than the ramen you’ve been choking down for the past month straight.

As your friends arrive, you’re surprised that the one slacker friend who always has an excuse for why they were late shows up early.

Even better: they have their portion of the meal already prepared. Everyone shows up and after a few legal — and some illegal — drinks, you sit down at the table, every seat filled. Then you hear a knock at the door.

It’s your mother holding a turkey twice the size of the one you made. Behind her you see your father and most of his side of the family; the crazy aunts, the cousin you haven’t seen since they left rehab and, of course, your six cousins all under the age of 10. They’re suddenly here and excited to see your two-bedroom apartment.

This Friendsgiving just turned into a full-blown family reunion in your living room. You usher them in while quickly hiding that stash of weed under your bed and hope that everyone thinks that bong by your TV is just a cool art sculpture you made.

The five-person, friendly get-together is now your mother pulling out baby photos for your friends to flip through as they eat her turkey while yours gets cold in the kitchen. Of course, hers tastes better. She’s had more practice.

Your dad turns on the football game and all of your uncles flock to the couch and start shouting at the referees for making terrible calls even though it’s a rerun of last week’s game.

You go into the kitchen to grab some of the appetizers you made to find your aunts rearranging the room to make it “more organized.” You give up any hope of being able to find your Tupperware ever again.

You grab the appetizers and as soon as you walk back to the living room you are sneak-attacked by one of your cousins. The other youngins find you falling on your face and spilling the food you took all day to make hilarious and join in on the doggy pile.

Even after you get up they continue to use you as a personal jungle gym.

This is not what you meant by needing to work out more.