Preparation is key in unfamiliar sexual activity

CHRIS ARNESON | Evergreen columnist

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In a bizarre incident that occurred in Pullman this August, a college-aged man, who wishes to remain anonymous, also wishes he would have had a handcuff key.

The individual said that although the 911 respondent “took it really seriously” the police officer viewed the situation “pretty jokingly.”

Although the handcuff idea may sound silly, the police showed up “immediately,” within a couple minutes. The handcuff escapade occurred in the middle of syllabus week at 4 a.m. The individual had lost the key to the pair of handcuffs his girlfriend had been wearing during “kinky,” consentual sexual activity.

The man said he “went into it knowing I didn’t have a key.” Once he realized he would not be able to break free of the cuffs, the man tried to “use a bobby pin”, but that was also unsuccessful. He said he was glad no one was there, yet at the same time he said he regrets not asking his roommates for help.

The man said he received the cuffs as a joke gift for his 21st birthday, and he said his girlfriend brought up the idea to use the handcuffs.

He said the only problem with their plan was that they didn’t realize they were office police-grade handcuffs. When this notion struck the two, they asked themselves, “you know who would have a key for police handcuffs?”

The man said he still has the key and that he keeps them in one of his drawers. He said he would never broach the idea of using the handcuffs again recreationally. When asked if this was the craziest thing he had ever done, the man said it was “definitely up there.”

The man said he had heard of people using handcuffs and said “we’ll see what happens.” Regarding his expectations for the handcuffs, he said “if I hate it, I hate it,” and that having an open mind is crucial going into any voluntary handcuff-related experiences.

When asked if he would suggest handcuffs to others, the man said, “yes, but just be prepared and have a plan.” He added, “maybe less alcohol involved.”

The police officer who assisted the man in breaking free of the handcuffs still sees the individual around campus and gives him a hard time for the incident.

“I see the police officer around and he kind of makes a joke about it now and says ‘I’ve seen you before,’” the man said.

He said the police officer took a long time to get the handcuffs off, likely relishing in the novelty of the story. The man said that when he told the officer he was glad no one was there to see his situation, the officer told him that he has a body cam, meaning somewhere footage exists of the infamous handcuff debacle.

While the individual would ultimately like to put the handcuff story to bed, presumably without handcuffs, the existing body cam footage means it really never goes away, he says. The key ingredients of this story (pun intended) are a young couple, a pair of police-grade handcuffs, and a missing key, and it combines to create a wonderful, quirky soufflé of suffering.

As the college-aged man said, this is a story that is “to be put away forever.” That is the original purpose of handcuffs anyway, isn’t it?

Chris Arneson is a senior sports management major from Bothell, Washington. He can be contacted at 335-2290 or by [email protected]