I’m easy – as in easygoing – but not cheap. If I said I embodied that mantra, I would be lying, since anyone who knows me even marginally well knows I’m fairly high maintenance.

However, when one is on the market, so to speak, the above mantra is fairly sound advice.

Yet my experience with being a gay man and dating other men has shown me many men, but certainly not all, like love – or just sex – to be cheap and easy.

As part of my ongoing mission to civilize, let me offer some sage and experienced advice on how to keep love, sex and all things that go with them between two men safer, healthier, happier and with a modicum more of style and good taste.

First, let him buy you dinner first. I’m serious about this. You will figure out quickly if this is a person who you want to trust even with a quick screw. If you enjoy the company, the physical passions will be that much better. Respect yourself by being a connoisseur, not just someone who drinks down men like boxed wine.

Second, delete the dating – *cough* hookup *cough* – app when the relationship becomes established and official. ‘Keeping one’s options open’ is not just low-class, but it’s disingenuous to the premise of a partnership built upon mutual self-giving. Coupling is not heteronormative – it is how a large majority of people queer or otherwise healthily and soundly give and receive romantic love. For those of you who are polyamorous – emphasizing amorous – be open about it with your partners and remember to keep it honest.

Third, get rid of the dating app entirely. I understand it is hard to find other men into men. However, remember that it is just as hard for straight people to also find good mates. Better yourself by joining different LGBT-oriented groups and organizations. It can be anything from a book club to a gay basketball team – those do exist. Even open and affirming places of faith might have Mr. Right in regular attendance. Base your love and sex on something real, not because you both liked each other’s naked pictures on Grindr.

Fourth, certain electronic dating mediums are permissible, especially those online that allow extensive profiles. No, I am not talking about sites for sugar parents. I’m referring to OkCupid and Match.com, for example. Though far from perfect, the implicit intention of these seems to be less toward the transmission of STD’s and more toward decent matches.

Fifth, allow your friends to set up dates. I know you think it is just because your girlfriends are excited that they know two gay people and want to play doll by making them fall in love. However, you never actually know if you might suddenly find the right guy unless your friends, especially your wise lesbian friends, arrange the meeting.

Sixth, remember that not every other guy walking the street is gay, despite appearances. Yes, we still unfortunately suffer from the societal pathology of the ‘closet,’ especially for men who are more fluid in their sexuality and preferences. However, it is not the job of out and proud gay men to drag others into the glittery sunlight. It might seem fun, but if the relationship becomes something, there is always the baggage of you being out and him not.

Finally, do not be a judgmental ass. The obsession in the gay community over the masculine jock is not only ridiculous and unrealistic but unhealthy. Men who really enjoy the company of other men – I’m including trans men here, too – are packaged in all shapes, sizes, colors, voice cadences and professions. Take a step back, truly consider your standards and go forward thinking that your husband could in fact be a talented drag queen who performs every Friday and Saturday.

Hopefully some of this advice resonates and remember: Sexual health and emotional health go hand-in-hand. The urge to satisfy the horniness might be strong, but the emotional pain from meaningless shags will eventually be stronger. Respect yourself, respect the other guy and keep your gay lifestyle classy.