In truly horrifying news, we now have reason to believe a ghost has hacked into the news editors email at the Daily Evergreen.
At approximately 5 p.m. on April 9, the news editor account on SNO, the application the Evergreen uses to upload and edit stories, began adding stories and changing them. A suspect is now being investigated in this incident.
“We have reason to believe John Dailyevergreennewspaper, the founder of the Daily Evergreen newspaper, has hacked into the account from the great beyond,” editor in chief Gabrielle Bowman said. “Legend has it a curse was placed on his final resting place, which is under the floorboards next to the refrigerator here at the Evergreen office.”
The curse states, should his grave be disturbed, he will haunt the computers in the newsroom for all eternity, Bowman said. This is a huge problem, as the Evergreen office’s computers have a track record of working properly and never having problems.
The curse was probably activated when his final resting place was disturbed by prospectors looking for Edward R. Murrow’s gold, she said.
“Well gall dang, I sure ain’t mean to screw up that old newsboy’s grave,” said Chester Jenkins, local old coot and prospector looking for Murrow’s gold. “I was just here looking for those sweet yeller doubloons. Appears I best git outta here faster than a cheetah on a stallion, before that apparition haunts mah soul!”
While in the news editor account, the ghost has made several horrible stories, made false grammatical errors and changed quotes from sources to be factually wrong. Even worse, the ghost uploaded a horrible and unfunny satire story and claimed copy editor and extremely sexy specimen of a man, Josiah Pike, wrote it.
“I’m appalled, this story was remarkably unfunny and nowhere near my usual quality of work,” Pike said. “The backlash from that story has gotten so bad that three of the many women in my ever-expanding and totally real harem have left me.”
Worse still, the ghost then hacked into Pike’s personal email account and made several large donations to OnlyFans models and began a subscription to Playboy. So, if any news comes out saying Pike did these things himself, you now have proof the ghost did it, not him. Seriously, believe me.
How long the ghost may have access to this email account is unknown, but from this point forward, if a story is released from the Evergreen that is significantly below par and factually incorrect, the ghost did that.
