The concept of Thanksgiving sounds perfect: a homey dining room filled with close family and loved ones sharing a meal. Realistically though, it is often a little less picture perfect for most people.

Thanksgiving can be hard to navigate because it forces people together who may love each other, but don’t necessarily see eye-to-eye. Every family has its own unique mix of personalities, relationships and problems that can resurface the minute you are passed the mashed potatoes. 

Someone is bound to bring up politics or make a joke that doesn’t land, and suddenly you begin wondering how long you have to stay before it is acceptable to leave.

It is not as if anyone is going in looking for a fight, it is just Thanksgiving having its own way of reminding us of everything we tried to avoid all year long.

So how can you make it through the evening without losing your mind and the will to eat?

The first step is taking a step back and accepting that your Thanksgiving dinner is not going to be picture perfect, nobody’s is.

Once you have made peace with that, you can focus on the things that are within your control. Sadly, you can’t stop your grandpa from bringing up the government or your aunt from asking an insanely personal question. 

But, you can decide whether or not to engage, rather than reacting to comments or actions in a way that incites more discussion. Diffuse the situation by changing the subject or even staying quiet, which can be a powerful response in its own regard.

“During the holidays when family disagreements occur, I usually just stay silent and I don’t insert myself into the conversation. One thing I’ve learned about some of my family members is that they’re very close-minded, so when you’re trying to debate with them it’s very hard to do so. I’m also usually pretty quiet and reserved during family gatherings, so it’s not in my nature to insert myself in heated conversations,” said Enoama Croffie, a first-year student at WSU.

It also helps to make time to step away when it may get overwhelming. Thanksgiving does not have to mean you have to be connected at the hip, although oftentimes you spend a large part of the day together. 

Offer to take the dogs for a walk, step outside for a breath of air or use the bathroom. Alone time gives yourself a moment to reset and not allow tensions to build all the way to dinner.

While it can feel easy to focus on the negativity and tension, try to notice the good things, small or big. Being grateful is not about pretending everything is great but seeking out and recognizing the things that are.

At the end of the day nobody’s family is perfect, and you will likely hear an argument or two while you try to eat your turkey. The goal is not a perfect dinner, it is about getting through the night with your patience and peace intact (and taking some food back for the road.)

Try to be the calm in the middle of the storm this Thanksgiving, look for the things you are grateful for and evade the tension.