SATIRE: Students fear fathers flocking to campus

Get ready to see dads flaunt their interesting fashion choices, recite bad puns, extra spirit

MARA JOHNSON, Evergreen columnist

Soon Pullman will be bombarded with questionable fashion statements and puns that are so bad, they hurt. Dad’s Weekend has arrived.

It’s a great excuse for proud dads to travel great lengths to see their beloved children. Prepare to see khakis, tucked-in polo shirts, baseball hats and waves of crimson gear.

Some may argue that college is a time for young adults to be free from their parents, but Dad’s Weekend gives fathers a chance to see how their children are living without them. They might have graduated from WSU while others are proud their child finally left the house. Regardless, they’re excited to step their sock-and-sandal foot on campus.

While this weekend provides a high for fathers, sometimes their children think differently.

Bill Anderson, a WSU alumnus and proud father, was thrilled to have his son, Dean, go to WSU. Anderson wanted to come to Pullman because of his son and nostalgia he had for his university. Being back on his old stomping grounds called for hours of walking as well as old stories that have been told time and time again.

“I brought my son Dean to the one place on campus that means the world to me: my old frat house,” Anderson said. “So many memories were made there and parties that were crashed — it feels good to be back even if it is for the weekend.”

However, Dean had a different feeling about his dad coming back.

“I’ve been following him and his fanny pack around for hours … he’s acting like I don’t know anything about where I go to school,” Dean said. “When is he going to leave me alone? I went to college expecting not to listen to dumb stories anymore.”

This university version of “bring your kid to work day” begins Friday. The Student Recreation Center has organized a seemingly romantic sunset hike with students and dads to Kamiak Butte. Bob Smith, an avid hunter and fisherman, loves exploring the outdoors with his daughter Chloe.

“I love the outdoors almost as much as I love the History Channel and this hike is sure going to bring me and my dear Chloe closer together,” Smith said. “This school really has thought of everything. All dads love hiking.”

However, Chloe said she feels like she’s babysitting her father rather than bonding with him.

“My dad is such a child, [he’s] always trying to run off and look at different parts of the campus,” she said. “He expects me to go on a sunset hike with him? That’s something I’d do with my boyfriend, not my dad.”

Proud parents often wear clothing to represent their child’s accomplishments, be it where they went to camp or where they’re attending college. Dad’s Weekend could be a fashion show for WSU attire, ranging from hats to socks.

Jeff Miller is a firm believer in showing off his daughter Emma’s attendance at WSU.

“Wherever I go, people need to know that someone in my family goes to WSU,” Miller said. “I like to pair some khakis with a nice WSU shirt and top it off with white socks and my Sketchers.”

“Fashion is the least cool part of my dad,” Emma said. “He reminds me of Ned Flanders, but I love him and I’m glad he made it over here for the weekend.”

Get ready for dads to raid the streets of Pullman: Dad’s Weekend is coming up and there is nothing that can stop it. Enjoy the few days you have with your dad, and if he’s not here, then you can be glad you don’t have to babysit a grown man who will inevitably embarrass you.