SATIRE: Kidz Bop sex playlist will rock your world, spice up activities

Start your sexy time with Adele, Smash Mouth, Kidz Bop classics; listen to rain sounds for tranquility

Nothing screams

OLIVER MCKENNA | EVERGREEN PHOTO ILLUSTRATION

Nothing screams "SEX" like Adele and Glee Cast versions of 1980s hits.

MILA WIDMAYER, Evergreen columnist

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As cuffing season rears its ugly head, couples are finding new and exciting ways to spice up their bedroom activities.

While some traditions tend to involve food or pleather, the most classic way to get your partner in the mood is with a good old fashioned playlist.

If you’re looking for some hot jams to get down and dirty to, you’ve come to the right place. With these 12 sizzling songs, there’s no question about it: someone’s getting laid.

1. “Hello” by Kidz Bop Kids

There’s no better way to set the mood than with some Adele covered by children just starting to go through puberty. Get your partner feeling right by whispering “Hello from the outside / At least I can say that I’ve tried / To tell you I’m sorry / For breaking your heart.”

2. “Cha Cha Slide” by Kidz Bop Kids

“Now it’s time to get FUNKY.” Need I say more?

3. “Peanut Butter and Jelly Time” by Kidz Bop Kids

Again, an age-old classic covered by prepubescent rich kids living out their parents’ pipe dreams in Los Angeles. What a good song to get frisky to!

4. “Disturbia” by Kidz Bop Kids

There’s nothing better than a “bum bum be dum ba ba bee dum dum” sung by 13-year-olds while you’re doing the nasty.

5. “White Noise Rain Sound” by The Rain Library

Share 3 minutes and 7 seconds of pure serenity with your partner by getting enveloped by the calming white noise rain sounds produced by The Rain Library on Spotify. To be quite honest, no one knows where The Rain Library gets their audio tracks from, but we support it nonetheless.

6. “Africa” by Toto

Want to turn your sex life into a dead meme? With this classic by the critically acclaimed band Toto, there’s nothing stopping you from blessing the rains down on your partner tonight.

7. “All Star” by Smash Mouth

If you don’t think of the entire Shrek soundtrack while you’re stuffin’ the muffin, what are you even doing? Get your game on and go play, my friend.

8. “Don’t Stop Believin’ (Glee Cast Version)” by the Glee Cast

In commemoration of Cory Monteith, this superior cover of a Journey classic really hits home. Hopefully with this song, she’ll take your midnight train goin’ anywhere this evening.

9. “Turning Tables” by Adele

Have you ever wanted to start sobbing uncontrollably while getting up in someone’s guts? Adele’s got you covered.

10. “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” by Kidz Bop Kids

Kidz Bop 1 was released on October 9th, 2001 and reached 76th on the US Billboard 200 at the time of release. Wouldn’t you like to release to this classic Taylor Swift cover?

11. “Single Ladies” by Kidz Bop Kids

Let your partner know you’re not “that” serious about them by playing this Kidz Bop cover in the midst of your marathon. What better way to let someone know you want to be single than with nine-year-olds screeching Beyonce lyrics?

12. “Best DJ Sound Effects in the World – Airhorn” by Deejay Sound Effects

With 8 minutes of pure air horn sound effects looping repeatedly, let the world know that you were crowned victorious in the bedroom by playing this at max volume. To get the full effect, try fist pumping energetically into the air while listening.