SATIRE: How to make a dope tinder profile

Dating app profiles can be boiled down to a science, choose what you share carefully

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SATIRE: How to make a dope tinder profile

Ladies love dead fish, obscure quotes and looking like a total douche.

Ladies love dead fish, obscure quotes and looking like a total douche.

ALYSSA STANFIELD | EVERGREEN PHOTO ILLUSTRATION

Ladies love dead fish, obscure quotes and looking like a total douche.

ALYSSA STANFIELD | EVERGREEN PHOTO ILLUSTRATION

ALYSSA STANFIELD | EVERGREEN PHOTO ILLUSTRATION

Ladies love dead fish, obscure quotes and looking like a total douche.

ISAAC SEMMLER, Evergreen columnist

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Whatever reason you may have for hopping on Tinder, you’re going to need to create a dope profile if you want people to swipe right.

If you found that your profile isn’t having a lot of success, it’s most likely because your bio and pictures are trash and you need to step up your game.

Tyson Lang, a student at WSU, said he spent days building the perfect profile which has helped him get laid on the daily.

“After days of research, several missed classes and hundreds of Red Bulls I created a masterpiece,” Lang said. “If I didn’t have a profile as lit as this, I’d still be in the friend-zone and not in the endzone.”

Your profile picture should include you and your cat because cats are dope and if someone doesn’t swipe right on you then you know they hate animals.

Celebrities Eric Andre and Hannibal Buress won over the women of Los Angeles with profile pictures of them sitting on a toilet.

However, it’s not just the guys that need to step their game up — the ladies have to shine as well.

Emily Boykin, a junior at WSU, said she spent years researching the art of the perfect selfie in order for her and her friends to blow up on Tinder.

“My selfie game on Tinder doesn’t involve snapping a quick photo,” Boykin said. “I had to lock myself in my room for hours working on different ways to get the perfect picture. My research cost me friends and family, but the time it took to get the right angle for my profile pic was well worth it.”

However, your bio is just as important as your photo.

Being funny is typically the way people go but if you fail no one will swipe right on you and will be alone and depressed for the rest of your life.

“I like to throw in some quotes from The Office,” Boykin said. “If someone doesn’t get my references we simply are not compatible. If they haven’t seen that show we wouldn’t even be able to be friends.”

Flashy pictures and a stellar bio will increase your chances for more matches. Besides, putting yourself out there never hurts unless it’s in front of a bus.