Satire: Oh, the joys of the airport

The real journey is the airports we visited along the way



Yeah, vacation is great, but this is what I am REALLY excited for.

TESS DURAND, Evergreen copy chief

“What is your favorite thing to do during the summer?”

I am so glad you asked. My favorite part about summer, of course, is not the warm weather, having no school or being able to go back home. No, my favorite part of summer is traveling. 

But not the actual destination, I mean traveling to get there.

Nothing beats the immense joy of getting to the airport, going through TSA, receiving delay after delay, having a turbulent flight and waiting to deboard the plane!

Getting to the airport

There is nothing more fun than having to leave Pullman at 2:30 a.m. in order to make a 6 a.m. flight out of Spokane. Or, better yet, you can pay premium prices to fly out of Pullman and have multiple layovers. Lucky you!


I am sure, like me, you adore waiting in excruciatingly long lines for security and having to go through TSA.

The excitement of taking your shoes off, getting everything out of your pockets and taking electronics out of your bag, all while a TSA agent yells at you to go faster, is unsurpassed. I especially love it when one agent tells you to take your laptop out and the next time you go a different agent yells at you to keep it in.

The rush of anticipation you get waiting for your turn to enter the full-body scanner and pose mid-jumping jack is far more suspenseful than standing in line for a roller coaster.


What is more fun than getting to the airport early just to find out your flight has been delayed? Nothing! 

Now you get the choice of either sitting at your gate for the next few hours or roaming the airport restaurants and gift shops aimlessly. Such a hard choice! That is why I personally love having super long delays, that way I do not have to choose. I can do it all!

You can start by paying $8 for an iced coffee that is 90% ice, then pick up a $40 t-shirt with the name of the city you already live in. 

While you are sipping on the melting ice left from your coffee you can head back to your gate. The great thing is most gates have a myriad of outlets to charge your phone — not that any of them work, but it is fun to pretend!

The actual flight

Now the real journey can commence. 

After giving the counter agent your ticket, you get to stand in a slow-moving line full of people that cannot seem to understand how to find their seat. By the time you finally get to your seat, you are greeted with a tiny padded chair that is oh-so-comfortable.

I bet you are glad you paid the big bucks for this!

Once you take your seat and realize there is a baby sitting right next to you, the real fun begins! The pleasant calming sound of a baby screaming bloody murder means that you can sleep peacefully during your red-eye flight.

And who could forget the turbulence? 

The feeling of the plane violently shaking back and forth and up and down is almost like being gently rocked to sleep. It definitely does not cause any anxiety. You can even get a 4D experience by watching a plane crash movie! 


Like all good things in life, there must come an end. Unfortunately, this is the part when you land. But do not fret readers, the fun is not over just yet!

You get to wait what feels like an eternity to deboard the plane!

Sadly, it is time to move on and go about your vacation. Your exciting airport and plane journey have concluded. Do not lament for too long though, soon you will hop back on a plane to make the exciting trip home. Hopefully, you will get even more delays!