The Daily Evergreen

OPINION: Satire: A new kind of presidential debate

The presidential debates are showing their age— it’s time to replace them with something a little more interesting. Tests of physical skill and dexterity will test the true skill of America’s next leader.

JOEY FRANKLIN, Evergreen columnist

October 8, 2020

With the disastrous turnout of the first presidential debate on Sept. 29, the next few will be delivered in a different fashion. President Donald Trump and former vice president Joe Biden will be partaking in a gauntlet of activities. With the failure to control the debaters, Chris Wallace will be...

OPINION: Satire: E-sports replace WSU football

WSU's new e-sports team will replace in-person sports this semester.

JACOB HERSH, Evergreen opinion editor

August 25, 2020

With the recent cancellation of all WSU sports for the semester, the Coug community will be significantly different from past years. No longer will Martin Stadium be filled with cheers or, as was the case last year, groans, as our beloved team screwed up on defense again. It seems as though the Cougars...

OPINION: Satire: Frat parties mask up

Whether it's gas masks or chemical suits, WSU students have found a way to keep partying.

JACOB HERSH, Evergreen opinion editor

August 17, 2020

Hard-bass European club riffs pound through the thin walls of Kappa Kappa Zeta, WSU’s up-and-coming frat house. The smell of spilled beer and cheap cologne is pervasive here, on a Saturday night in August, where WSU’s finest are gathering to celebrate the beginning of the fall semester, regardless...

OPINION: Satire: New tech destroys privacy

Facial recognition and conspiracy theorists have one thing in common: they've increased since the pandemic began.

JACOB HERSH, Evergreen opinion editor

May 27, 2020

When it comes to coronavirus, everything’s up in the air. Governments are scrambling to respond and strange solutions are being examined for even the slightest amount of feasibility. Maybe it’s OK to drink bleach? You don’t know, and neither do I, because this pandemic has thrown everything we...

OPINION: Satire: The Rat King Rises

While not quite in Florida, both documentaries the Rat King and Tiger King have quite a bit of Florida Energy.

JACOB HERSH, Evergreen Columnist

April 13, 2020

Everyone’s talking about it. It’s on the tip of everyone’s tongue. It’s contagious, it’s recent and it seems to have everyone’s attention. Now, you’d think I’m referencing the coronavirus, but it’s actually something a lot more sinister, with significantly more mullets. That’s right...

SATIRE: The dead walk

COVID-19 totally isn't the start of the zombie apocalypse we hope ...

JACOB HERSH, Evergreen columnist

March 9, 2020

Does the recent coronavirus outbreak have anything to do with the mysterious surge of violent crimes in the Whitman County area that some claim is the result of a “zombie infection”? No, is the resounding answer from the state’s health officials. “There’s no such thing as a zombie ou...

The student voice of Washington State University since 1895