The student voice of Washington State University since 1895

The Daily Evergreen

The student voice of Washington State University since 1895

The Daily Evergreen

The student voice of Washington State University since 1895

The Daily Evergreen

Is this the end of wife guys as we know it?

Satire: Gomez Addams caught cheating on Morticia

KESTRA ENGSTROM, Evergreen Opinion Editor September 29, 2022

It has been a tragic week for “wife guys,” a.k.a. men who make their whole identity about loving their wives. First it was John Mulaney, then Adam Levine, and then Ned from that one thing that you...

I am going to hazard a guess and hope that is not really water...

Satire: Pullman ‘waterline’ breaks, students rejoice

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist September 22, 2022

After Saturday’s water main break downtown, questions from both residents of Pullman and officials from the City of Pullman remain unanswered.  Those who could view the broken water main gushing...

Dont worry about those assignments! Like I said, future you problem!

Satire: Back to school means back to the frats!

ANNABELLE PEPIN, Evergreen columnist September 15, 2022

I have never met anyone in my life that has gone to college and actually went to their classes. I have been back at school for about a month now and the thought of going to class has simply not crossed...

Go Smoggy!

Satire: WSU announces mascot change as smoke rolls in

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist September 15, 2022

President Kirk Schultz recently made waves at his speech outside Martin Stadium when he announced that WSU will be taking on a new mascot to replace Butch: Smoggy the Smoke Cloud.  “Smoggy really...

Superfan Jeremy T. Cougar was the final fan in the Crim-Zone on Saturday. Congrats, Jeremy!

Satire: Out of the frying pan, into the Crim-Zone…

KESTRA ENGSTROM, Evergreen Opinion Editor September 8, 2022

The Cougar Marching Band occupied the Crim-Zone during the 2021 football season, but were booted this year when football's student leadership decided that it was creepy and too distracting how they all...

WSU head coach Jake Dickert speaks to his players after the 2022 Spring Game, April 23, at Martin Stadium.

Satire: WSU Football to recruit fans to start Saturday

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist September 1, 2022

Head coach of the WSU Football team, Jack Dickert, issued a press release that they would begin recruiting fans to play in their Saturday matchup against the University of Idaho.  “We were surprised...

Those bags were also paid for with the tuition increase!

Satire: WUS President celebrates 100th annual tuition increase with raise

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist August 25, 2022

If Cougs should aspire to anything we should aspire to be like our neighbors over at WUS, a beacon of progress and a school that has some of the best student relations in the state.  In recent news...

New apartment complex estimated ready by 2044

Satire: Apartment complex offers tenants option of tent or death maze

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist August 22, 2022

Local apartment complex Nepsa Downs recently sent an email to all their tenants stating that their building would not be ready for move-in despite promises otherwise.  While tenants are understandably...

FBI Director Bristopher Fray said in a press conference that he is haunted by what investigators found in President Trumps private study earlier this month.

Satire: FBI reveals disturbing findings in Mar-a-Lago raid

KESTRA ENGSTROM, Evergreen Opinion Editor August 22, 2022

The Federal Bureau of Investigation conducted a raid on former President Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Club in Palm Beach, Florida earlier this month. In a recent press conference, FBI Director Bristopher...

It is OK, the Earth is just having her hot girl summer!

Satire: Thanks, climate change for this sauna of a summer!

TESS DURAND, Evergreen copy chief August 18, 2022

With temperatures reaching the high 90s, I am sure you all are just as ecstatic as I am! There is legitimately nothing I love more than sitting in a pool of my own sweat. It is bewildering to think...

Yeah, vacation is great, but this is what I am REALLY excited for.

Satire: Oh, the joys of the airport

TESS DURAND, Evergreen copy chief July 11, 2022

“What is your favorite thing to do during the summer?” I am so glad you asked. My favorite part about summer, of course, is not the warm weather, having no school or being able to go back home....

Take the climate crisis, leave the cannoli.

Satire: Vegas mafia rebrand as eco-activists to stop dropping water levels

KESTRA ENGSTROM, Evergreen Opinion Editor June 23, 2022

Las Vegas is known for many things — casinos, shotgun weddings, a long history with the Italian Mafia and, most recently, the miniature crypt being revealed in the waters (or lack thereof) of Lake Mead. Lake...

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