The student voice of Washington State University since 1895

The Daily Evergreen

The student voice of Washington State University since 1895

The Daily Evergreen

The student voice of Washington State University since 1895

The Daily Evergreen

Take the climate crisis, leave the cannoli.

Satire: Vegas mafia rebrand as eco-activists to stop dropping water levels

KESTRA ENGSTROM, Evergreen Opinion Editor June 23, 2022

Las Vegas is known for many things — casinos, shotgun weddings, a long history with the Italian Mafia and, most recently, the miniature crypt being revealed in the waters (or lack thereof) of Lake Mead. Lake...

Don’t worry, it will be over soon

Satire: Dear Satirist, is summer school worth my time?

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist June 9, 2022

Dear Satirist, After needing a few more classes for my major I decided to take summer classes in Pullman, and I have a ton of questions. Why does it cost so much? Why do Orientation Groups always...

Get ready for the most delightfully mediocre summer of your life.

Satire: Welcome to (summertime) Pullman!

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist May 26, 2022

If you are reading this, you probably fall into one of two categories: either you have gone off to wherever you call home or are on vacation, enjoying your time off from school and work. Or you are...

IRS? More like Irritating Revenue Service?

Satire: Next year, I’ll just commit tax fraud

ANNABELLE PEPIN, Evergreen columnist April 21, 2022

If you own a house, have a social security number, buy groceries or even breathe air, you have taxes to pay. When April 18 rolled around this year, everyone with a job and a heartbeat paid their taxes....

If you are the last one standing, you get an A!

Satire: Dean of Students announces first bi-annual Hunger Games to replace dead week

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist April 21, 2022

The Office of the Dean of Students recently put out a campus-wide announcement  that the week of April 24 will no longer be considered “Dead Week.” Replacing it will be WSU’s first bi-annual...

Trust me, first place is much higher than second

Satire: Summer 2024 Olympic Committee announces weed is mandatory

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist April 14, 2022

In honor of 4/20, the International Olympic Committee recently announced that the 2024 Paris Olympics will require all attendees to, in their words, “get higher than a college kids' stress level going...

Despite the snow, gardening season is about upon us, and weed all benefit from some advice.

Satire: Concerned Pullman citizen’s letter about weed(s)

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist April 14, 2022

Dear Editor, I was reading my second favorite arboreal-themed paper last week and I came across something startling! The Daily Evergreen was devoting a whole week of the paper to weeds, and I could...

At this point, I’ll just take the parking tickets.

Satire: WSU Transportation to raise parking costs on 100th Anniversary

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist March 31, 2022

WSU’s Transportation Services recently indicated they were celebrating its 100th anniversary by announcing another rise in parking costs. While an exact price has not been confirmed by officials,...

At this point, my bracket is the who-will-not-win prediction.

Satire: March giving me Madness

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist March 24, 2022

I have never claimed to be the authority on really anything about college basketball. Do not get me wrong, I have been to my fair share of Coug basketball games, and every so often I find myself...

Website design so simple, a baby could do it!

Satire: Kindergarten class wins MyWSU redesign contest

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist March 8, 2022

Never let it be said that WSU administration does not listen to its students.  After some childish comments on the design and … functionality … of the iconic MyWSU website, the administration...

In some circumstances, neither asking the right questions nor providing the right answers will be enough.

Satire: Notaverse testimony to child safety, data abuse

GAYATHRI KRISHNAMOORTHY, Evergreen columnist March 3, 2022

On Nota Day this year, the world’s most influential hide-bound group met with the world’s largest monopoly in data collection agencies to discuss child safety and data abuse. Here is a transcript of...

Tensions will rise if Butchs iconic look is changed.

SATIRE: First the green M&M, next the world

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist February 17, 2022

Whether out of sheer boredom or a genuine interest in being a well-informed citizen, I found myself flipping through various news sites. I was unsurprised to find the M&M company being talked about...

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