The Daily Evergreen

OPINION: Satire: Beware of killer robots

Killer robots aren't merely the stuff of sci-fi anymore — they could be right around the corner.
JOEY FRANKLIN, Evergreen columnist December 8, 2020

Elon Musk recently put a computer chip in a pigs’ brain. While I'm not exactly sure what the end game for Musk is, it's a very fascinating idea. I wonder how long — if it hasn't happened already —...

OPINION: Satire: Republicans need to accept election results

Around the country, Trump voters continue to protest the results of an election they claim as illegitimate.
JACOB HERSH, Evergreen opinion editor December 3, 2020

With the election results behind us, it seems that Joe Biden will be the head of American politics, policy and drone strikes for the next four years. With a decently sizable lead in several crucial swing...

OPINION: Satire: Take an early morning class

Sure, 8 a.m. classes are  early, but think of all the unsung morning benefits.
MADELINE GREER, Evergreen columnist December 3, 2020

As the fall semester comes to a close, more and more students are rushing to enroll in the classes they need to take next semester. For many classes, there are multiple sections to sign up for with...

OPINION: Satire: No Shave November should be a WSU holiday

No Shave November isn't just a fun way to raise money — it should also be an official WSU holiday.
JOEY FRANKLIN, Evergreen columnist December 2, 2020

Gardner Minshew captured lightning in a bottle when he took the helm as Washington State University's quarterback. His retro look, including the mustache, soul patch and headband sparked national interest...

OPINION: Satire: Thanksgiving falls flat

Thanksgiving misses the mark in a lot of ways, especially in terms of food.
JOEY FRANKLIN, Evergreen columnist December 1, 2020

The first Thanksgiving occurred in November 1621. Since then, there have been plenty of iffy traditions that have somehow stuck around for almost 400 years. My biggest qualm with Thanksgiving is stuffing,...

OPINION: Satire: WSU vet school should try to clone dinosaurs

Dinosaurs should be brought back to life — the WSU Vet School is the perfect group to do it.
JOEY FRANKLIN, Evergreen columnist November 17, 2020

Many have read Michael Crichton’s smash hit novel, "Jurassic Park," and everybody has seen Steven Spielberg’s blockbuster film adaptation. If you have not, I will catch you up quickly. Eccentric...

OPINION: Satire: Kanye West wins presidential election

Kanye West has seized the presidency, ushering in a new age of Cool Presidents.
JACOB HERSH, Evergreen opinion editor November 12, 2020

In a surprise twist, candidate Kanye West has won the 2020 presidential election. Nevada ballot recounts revealed a surprising number of lost Kanye ballots still waiting to be delivered, and high numbers...

OPINION: Satire: New political parties replace old traditions

New political parties are cropping up all around the country, and some are more serious than others.
JOEY FRANKLIN, Evergreen columnist November 11, 2020

With Joe Biden winning the majority of electoral votes and being named the president-elect of the United States, the focus will now turn to the fairness of the Electoral College and the two-party system....

OPINION: Satire: Halloween candies for 2020

A new list of candy for trick-or-treaters has been released in keeping with CDC standards.
MADELINE GREER, Evergreen columnist October 27, 2020

2020 has been one of the most unpredictable and bizarre years of our lifetime. So, what could go wrong on the spookiest night of the year? One of the biggest topics amongst Americans is always food. We...

OPINION: Satire: Voting needs to be reworked

Voting should be fun and interactive — not old and boring. Here's some ideas to liven things up a little.
JOEY FRANKLIN, Evergreen columnist October 26, 2020

There is plenty of controversy surrounding the upcoming election’s voting process, including voting by mail, absentee ballots and the health concerns about voting in person. Government officials have...

OPINION: Satire: A new kind of presidential debate

The presidential debates are showing their age— it’s time to replace them with something a little more interesting. Tests of physical skill and dexterity will test the true skill of America’s next leader.
JOEY FRANKLIN, Evergreen columnist October 7, 2020

With the disastrous turnout of the first presidential debate on Sept. 29, the next few will be delivered in a different fashion. President Donald Trump and former vice president Joe Biden will be partaking...

OPINION: Satire: Meeting the lesser-known presidential candidates

Besides the two candidates everyone knows about, there's a whole host of misfits vying for the presidency.
JACOB HERSH, Evergreen opinion editor August 25, 2020

It’s that time again, everybody. 2016 seems like it was yesterday in the collective American memory, but four years pass by almost immeasurably fast. It’s time, once again, to trudge to the polls,...

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