The student voice of Washington State University since 1895

The Daily Evergreen

The student voice of Washington State University since 1895

The Daily Evergreen

The student voice of Washington State University since 1895

The Daily Evergreen

My breath should not make a cloud, it should turn in to snow

Satire: Are We Sure Pullman is Cold Enough?

JOEY FRANKLIN February 2, 2023

I was walking to the weekly staff meeting for The Daily Evergreen when I posed an important question to myself: “Are we sure Pullman is cold enough?” I mean, it only felt like the Arctic when I was...

A fox squirrel on the WSU Pullman campus, Nov. 8th, 2020.

Satire: Squirrel uprising is getting out of hand

JOEY FRANKLIN January 26, 2023

They are always in such a hurry to go somewhere until they see a human and freeze entirely. I have a feeling that they might be hiding something behind those beady little eyes of theirs. Squirrels...

Coming back from winter break is great but should it not just be longer?

Satire: Students Declare Winter Break Much too Long

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist January 17, 2023

A petition has circulated on WSU’s Pullman campus to demand that the administration decrease the length of Winter Break by two weeks.  Carly Dubbs, a senior in microbiology, was adamant that while...

 If Kendall Jenner can do it every day, then so can I.

SATIRE: New Year New Me?

ANNABELLE PEPIN, Evergreen columnist January 12, 2023

This year, I am a new version of myself. Last year was only a week ago and I am leaving every bad habit in 2022. I recently read the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. He said that it takes 21 days...

It is not all rainbows and good eats at the Evergreen ...

Satire: The Daily Life of a Food Reviewer

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist December 8, 2022

If you are reading this, I do not have much time before my editors come back to check on me. My name is Carson Holland and I have been trapped in Murrow College this entire year in the Daily Evergreen...

President Schulz has been preparing for this class since he was a teenage boy.

Satire: Incoming students have “The Talk” with President Kirk Schulz

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist November 17, 2022

Along with a confirmation of the Junior Writing Portfolio, the Office of the Registrar recently announced that all incoming freshmen for the 2023-24 school year will be required to take “Coug Sexual...

Patty Murray won the WA Senate race Tuesday and will serve a sixth term.

Satire: Washingtonians rejoice at not having to watch Tiffany Smiley ads anymore

KESTRA ENGSTROM, Managing editor November 10, 2022

After a long and strenuous race for the U.S. Senate, Democratic incumbent Sen. Patty Murray defeated her Republic challenger Tiffany Smiley on Tuesday. Washington State Democrats celebrated the win...

If the refs are all cheating, does that mean they are playing by the rules?

Satire: WSU in hot water after school can’t afford bribes

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist November 2, 2022

President Kirk Schulz announced with a heavy heart this weekend that WSU did not have the funds to bribe Pac-12 referees, citing lower attendance and weakening returns on Housing and Residence Life expenses.  This...

Boat and floaty sales have skyrocketed following the announcement.

Satire: City of Pullman announces new canal transit system

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist October 19, 2022

Pullman City Council announced the opening of a new public transportation system, the Pullman Canal Transit.  Every street within Pullman has been flooded in order to make way for this brave new system,...

There is a new mystery to solve - the mystery of where the hell the dog went.

Satire: New ‘Velma’ show owes me answers

PARKER R. SCHAFER, Evergreen columnist October 19, 2022

The beloved Mystery Incorporated has been a part of our lives since 1969 and has remained a huge part of many childhoods since then, but Mindy Kaling is destroying that with her new show based on the one...

Is this the end of wife guys as we know it?

Satire: Gomez Addams caught cheating on Morticia

KESTRA ENGSTROM, Managing editor September 28, 2022

It has been a tragic week for “wife guys,” a.k.a. men who make their whole identity about loving their wives. First it was John Mulaney, then Adam Levine, and then Ned from that one thing that you...

I am going to hazard a guess and hope that is not really water...

Satire: Pullman ‘waterline’ breaks, students rejoice

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist September 21, 2022

After Saturday’s water main break downtown, questions from both residents of Pullman and officials from the City of Pullman remain unanswered.  Those who could view the broken water main gushing...

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