The student voice of Washington State University since 1895

The Daily Evergreen

The student voice of Washington State University since 1895

The Daily Evergreen

The student voice of Washington State University since 1895

The Daily Evergreen

IRS? More like Irritating Revenue Service?

Satire: Next year, I’ll just commit tax fraud

ANNABELLE PEPIN, Evergreen columnist April 21, 2022

If you own a house, have a social security number, buy groceries or even breathe air, you have taxes to pay. When April 18 rolled around this year, everyone with a job and a heartbeat paid their taxes....

If you are the last one standing, you get an A!

Satire: Dean of Students announces first bi-annual Hunger Games to replace dead week

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist April 21, 2022

The Office of the Dean of Students recently put out a campus-wide announcement  that the week of April 24 will no longer be considered “Dead Week.” Replacing it will be WSU’s first bi-annual...

Trust me, first place is much higher than second

Satire: Summer 2024 Olympic Committee announces weed is mandatory

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist April 14, 2022

In honor of 4/20, the International Olympic Committee recently announced that the 2024 Paris Olympics will require all attendees to, in their words, “get higher than a college kids' stress level going...

Despite the snow, gardening season is about upon us, and weed all benefit from some advice.

Satire: Concerned Pullman citizen’s letter about weed(s)

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist April 14, 2022

Dear Editor, I was reading my second favorite arboreal-themed paper last week and I came across something startling! The Daily Evergreen was devoting a whole week of the paper to weeds, and I could...

At this point, I’ll just take the parking tickets.

Satire: WSU Transportation to raise parking costs on 100th Anniversary

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist March 31, 2022

WSU’s Transportation Services recently indicated they were celebrating its 100th anniversary by announcing another rise in parking costs. While an exact price has not been confirmed by officials,...

At this point, my bracket is the who-will-not-win prediction.

Satire: March giving me Madness

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist March 24, 2022

I have never claimed to be the authority on really anything about college basketball. Do not get me wrong, I have been to my fair share of Coug basketball games, and every so often I find myself...

In some circumstances, neither asking the right questions nor providing the right answers will be enough.

Satire: Notaverse testimony to child safety, data abuse

GAYATHRI KRISHNAMOORTHY, Evergreen columnist March 3, 2022

On Nota Day this year, the world’s most influential hide-bound group met with the world’s largest monopoly in data collection agencies to discuss child safety and data abuse. Here is a transcript of...

Tensions will rise if Butchs iconic look is changed.

SATIRE: First the green M&M, next the world

CARSON HOLLAND, Evergreen columnist February 17, 2022

Whether out of sheer boredom or a genuine interest in being a well-informed citizen, I found myself flipping through various news sites. I was unsurprised to find the M&M company being talked about...

We ensure that the families and the horoscope match because that’s what makes a beautiful, successful marriage!

SATIRE: Special Valentine’s Day offers for Indian matchmaking services

GAYATHRI KRISHNAMOORTHY, Evergreen columnist February 15, 2022

Welcome to the Indian Matrimony Site! Seems like your daughter is old enough to be someone’s bondswoman.  Did you ask how much it costs to match your daughter with a chauvinistic male? Huh—maybe...

Anyone can become That Person, the person everyone wants to be, with just a few easy lifestyle changes!

SATIRE: Self-care tips to become ‘that person’

ANNABELLE PEPIN, Evergreen columnist February 10, 2022

Self-care Sunday? More like self-care every day.  If you are not up before the sun and in bed by the time all your friends are going out, then you are doing it wrong. When your roommate gets home at...

Honestly, after losing to the ultimate underdogs in such a fashion, UW had no other choice.

SATIRE: UW football team disbands permanently after Apple Cup loss

KESTRA ENGSTROM, Evergreen Opinion Editor December 6, 2021

Two weeks ago, the Cougs headed to Husky Stadium in Seattle to face off against the University of Washington’s football team in the annual Apple Cup match-up. When they left the football field that night,...

Why do we need to listen to medical, education or research professionals when the Wise “Keith” has graced our campus with his presence, spreading his valuable knowledge.

SATIRE: Follow advice of all-knowing Keith

SAMANTHA RADCLIFFE, Evergreen columnist October 25, 2021

Are you stressed because you do not have the answer to a problem? Are you doubting the relevance of your education or the headlines on the news? Do not fret! Standing at two feet tall and with a mop...

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