When it comes to defining women in society, meaning what jobs they can do, how they should act, and what the world expects of them, the sky is the limit — and by that I mean dark clouds are slowly dissipating after a catastrophic hurricane.

But this article isn’t talking about the expanding definition of what it means to be a ‘woman,’ instead we will look at society’s shrinking definition of men and what that means for parents, like myself, raising boys right now.

Since the birth of women’s studies at Cornell University in 1969, many scholars have looked into the social, economic and political structures that held women in a rigid definition of the ‘home-maker.’ Over the last 40-some years, what it means to be a woman has greatly expanded. Women can be scientists, factory workers, moms, CEOs, political office holders, law enforcement workers and so on, but what jobs are left for men?

Men can be nurses but society doesn’t see that as “male work.” Men can be stay at home dads but are often berated by their families for not being the “provider.” In many ways the list of socially acceptable “male work” is shrinking.

Professor Michael Kimmel at Stony Brook University in New York teaches a masters in masculinities, part of the sociology department. The coursework looks at how the world shapes definitions of ‘male,’ including appropriate jobs, attitudes and behaviors. He has written many books on the subject of developing male-to-male relationships because there is no Book for Dummies or SparkNotes guide to help men learn how to develop better communication, build deep interpersonal relationships or even give them a space to learn about the cultural history of manhood in America.

Per an article in The New York Times in August, Kimmel asked his classes or workshops right out the gate to define what it means to be a “man.” Almost always they would respond to the effect of, “men don’t cry, or show emotion, they are supposed to be strong, they are the protector, the provider,” and on and on. But if you look closely, Kimmel points out many of these traits conflict, like trying to be sensitive but not weak or being emotionally available but not showing emotion.

While Kimmel is a more recent voice in masculinities, Harold Mosak, who coined the term ‘masculine protest,’ wrote in an article titled “Masculine Protest, Penis Envy, Women’s Liberation and Sexual Equality,” published in the Journal of Individual Psychology in 1977, “… the apparent double-life of the neurotic … is definitely grounded in the fact that the psyche partakes of both feminine and masculine traits.” What he meant was men are human and they are capable of the full range of emotions and experiences just like women, but they are not always encouraged or allowed to express them.

This rigidity of gender starts early. By age two most children can identify which gender they are, and show a preference for toys that reflect their gender.

In an article by Erica Weisgram titled, “Pink gives girls permission,” published in the Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, she and colleagues explored what toys boys prefer versus what toys girls prefer.

When looking at the data collected one thing becomes very clear: girls show a great deal of fluidity in toy selection. But with boys, the more feminine a toy gets, the less interest they show. It would appear boys are not allowed the ‘free space’ to explore the roles of gender, but are forced into the rigid definitions and left to deal with it on their own.

Many of my friends have boys and some of them don’t let their son wear a dress, or pretend to be mom, or discourage them from taking care of baby dolls – but what does that really teach the boy? Do we want a generation of men that won’t take care of children? Do we want a generation of men that are taught to suppress emotions and become almost psychopathic?

I know I don’t. I want my son to grow up knowing his kindness, humor and emotions are very important parts of his experience and that learning to navigate social roles is something we all must do, but not if they conflict with the person he wants to be. My job as a mom is to love my son and teach him how to be a good person by showing love and kindness to others.

If he wants to wear a neon pink dress in tacky makeup while practicing ballet around a glittery rainbow-horned unicorn, so be it, as long as it makes him happy and he is being true to himself. Remember guys, even Shakespeare supported drag.