Unlike what the song may tell you, Christmas is sometimes anything but “the most wonderful time of the year.”

Sure, the holiday season is capable of bringing a certain amount of cheer, but the extended Christmas break means spending a lot of time with family – and not necessarily with the members that you like.

To describe the Christmases I have had, the memories I have shared with my dad’s side of the family over the past 22 years, would have made a great film: “My Big Fat Greek Christmas.”

Essentially, it was never Christmas unless the entire house erupted into loud shouts of “Oppa!”, I had at least one spat with my easily-angered cousin who was also the polar opposite of me, and my Yiayia (grandmother) scolded several of the family members into submission.

Now, Christmases with my Greek family in California were great, and I will cherish the times that I got to share with them all growing up. However, amidst the friendly chaos, I also learned some vital skills on how to go about the holidays without completely losing it.

The first thing I learned was that, although it can be difficult, it is vital to determine ways to manage your time and space while you are with family – especially during large gatherings. Don’t fall into the guilt of “I’m taking myself away from them, I shouldn’t be taking time for myself because it’s the holidays and …”

First and foremost, if you do not see these family members regularly, it is important that you are giving them your best, since that time you spend together is the only impression they will have of you until the next time around. What kind of impression do you want to have hanging around for a year?

Taking that extra five minutes in the bathroom to center yourself before going out for another round of family chatter is not only a step for self-care, but an investment in the interactions you have with your family.

Speaking of which, interacting with family can be a unique challenge in and of itself.

Let’s say that Aunt Cheryl just can’t seem to let go of an issue that really irks you, and does not agree with your position – the entire family is around the table, and all eyes are on you.What do you do?

There is no single ‘right’ answer. However, one tactic that has helped me with approaching these situations before has been this: approaching the discussion without imposed family ‘roles,’ and treating everyone involved as an individual: no ‘black sheep,’ or ‘weird cousin,’ or ‘angry drunk uncle.’

To illustrate this, the way that you saw Aunt Cheryl when you were six, for example, is going to be wildly different from how you see Aunt Cheryl at 22.

By holding on to the role that was given to you to understand her when you were a child, you are keeping her within an outdated role that is keeping a certain dynamic in place – basically, the one that has been around since you were a kid.

However, if you’re reading this, chances are you are now a college student in or nearing your 20’s. Do you still want to be treated like you’re in elementary school?

Sometimes, though, the best choice for your mental health is to not be around family – and that is totally fair and okay for you to say, especially if it is around a specific family member. Christmas should not be toxic.

You have the power of choice when it comes to the ways you engage with your family, and how you are treated and seen – and remind yourself of that as many times as you need to this holiday season. You can do this.

Sophia Stephens is a senior English literature and comparative ethnic studies major from Wenatchee. She can be contacted at 335-2290 or by [email protected]. The opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily those of the staff of The Daily Evergreen or those of the Office of Student Media.