The blender of racist rants and personal attacks brimming over from all media outlets over the last few weeks has left me generally uninterested in the differences of the Republican candidates.

So, to keep them all straight as I was taking notes for this article I came up with some nicknames: “Icy Fembot” Carly Fiorina; the ever lovable “Cindy” Rand Paul; “Chubby Bunny” Mike Huckabee; Marco “The Menace” Rubio; “Mr. Tex” Ted Cruz; “Brainy” Ben Carson; “Scrooge McTrump”; “Moonshine Money Jeby Bush”; “Whoville Mayor” Scott Walker; “Captain Old” John Kasich; and the Bro from Jersey “Chris Squared” Christie.

Let’s dig into the histrionic three hour long pissing contest that was the Republican Debate, or should we term, “The Shady Bunch”?

First of all, they were in the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, but never even once mentioned Reaganomics or Native Americans.

The two biggest things Reagan was most known for were his economic policies and for signing into law the Indian Gaming Regulatory Act.

As a member of a federally recognized tribe, I find it morally disgusting that – over the grueling, beat your head into a wall, three hours of girly teenage bickering mirroring behavior one might see on Bridezillas – CNN didn’t ask deep questions about the pressing economic policies or the rights of Native Peoples.

Once again, my people are invisible.

Honestly, if it wasn’t for Reagan I wouldn’t be able to afford this school right now; have the fillings in my teeth or the clothes on my back; and my tribe wouldn’t have a variety of programs or resources to support its people.

At times I would love to vote Republican, but after Wednesday’s debate it looks like I won’t be ticking that Republican box any time soon.

Most of the questions had Trump included in some way, and the design of the debate was more like an elimination round of a reality TV show—not worthy of the title ‘political debate’.

What really frosted my cake was when the candidates spoke on immigration.

Obama said it best, “Unless you are a Native American, your family came from someplace else.”

The very notion of immigrants needing to ‘assimilate’ or ‘adopt American culture’ is maddening for someone who belongs to an indigenous group that predates the United States. When colonizers arrived on this land, why didn’t they assimilate and learn the languages of the local people?

I would argue that if your family came across in a boat around 250 years ago or you tick the white box on all your ethnic/race forms, you now owe the local tribal government $5,000 for fees and citizenship with the possibility to be charged for back owed land taxes, formal sanctions for possession of stolen property and any other sort of arbitrary fee we can tack on for your inconvenience.

You will also be required to know the local indigenous language in order to remain in the country or we will deport your butt right back to Europe.

If any of these clowns become elected, I am taking my family to another country to seek asylum from stupidity and the continued persecution through systematic cultural genocide.

Jorden Wilson is a senior psychology major from Seattle. She can be contacted at 335-2290 or by [email protected]. The opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily those of the staff of The Daily Evergreen or those of the Office of Student Media.