Sexy music is good for the soul. It makes us want to dance and let loose. We’ve all got that one song that we can totally picture ourselves getting it on to (Marvin Gaye, anyone?), but feeling sexy to a song and getting sexy to it are two very different things.

Is listening to music during sex really the best idea? Go ahead and google it. There are some pretty bloodthirsty debates out there. Everywhere from Yahoo answers to magazine websites to personal blogs are rife with some cringe-worthy scenes of unfortunate, unsexy musical experiences.

After sorting through posts and bizarre comments about college couples doing it to Dave Matthews Band or Portishead (seriously), it seems to boil down to a case-by-case basis:

Sex with your significant other is supposed to be an experience that carries a lot of meaning and emotion. Many couples have “their song,” but bringing that song to bed with you can be problematic. For one, you’re more likely to pay attention to the lyrics than your partner, which ruins the moment between you and gets in the way of bringing you closer together. It’s also dangerous to read too much into the words being said — whoever is crooning their heart out doesn’t necessarily speak for you or for your partner. It’s much better to communicate the heartfelt confessions in your own words.

If you’re getting a little loose with someone dark and mysterious or doing something that you’ll regret tomorrow morning, it’s a different story. This is your chance to indulge. To release your Channing Tatum moves to whatever song or artist really puts you in the mood, without risk of judgment. Even if the music seems perfect for sex in your head but turns out to be awkward and counterproductive to the romantic and/or sensual platform you were trying to create, you won’t have to relive the embarrassment every time you look bae in the eyes.

If you are looking for something to help set the mood but want to avoid a lyrical catastrophe, here’s a suggestion: Classical music may sound lame, but I promise it’s not. It’s possibly the most romantic thing you could put on in an intimate moment. The best part is, it’s lyric-free. You can use the genius of Beethoven or Brahms to express your love without putting words in anyone’s mouth. If classical music isn’t your thing, try some downtempo jazz or soft electronic music.

Music and sex have an undeniable love connection. I’m all for it if you want to go out and try to spice up the moment with a sultry soundtrack. Just remember: there’s no substitution for expressing how you feel to someone you love, even if it’s coming from Marvin Gaye.