Due to the nature of our special edition topic this fine spring, we at the Daily Evergreen have been more lenient with granting anonymity to our sources this week. We understand that there are a variety of reasons why someone might not want to have their name associated with the devil’s lettuce.

For example, maybe they are underage. Maybe they have something super controversial to say. Or maybe, like me, they are heading into a profession where such affiliations do not bode well for them.

Unfortunately, although I am proud and honored to be serving as your opinion editor, there is nothing I can do to detach my true identity from this edition to protect my future career.

That is why I write this letter today — not for your sake, dear reader, but for any of my future employers (or potential employers) as they background-check me several years from now.

Employers, I now address you directly: for legal reasons, EVERYTHING HERE IS A JOKE!

Yeah, it’s true. I have never had a happy cigarette (or whatever the kids are calling it these days) in my life!

Actually, I have never even been near it. The sticky icky and I have never even been in the same room!

In fact, I do not even know what the killer green bud really is. They just told me to write about this stuff and I did!

That being said, I do hope you enjoy the awesome whacky tabacky-themed pieces we have for you this week. Our columnists, reporters and editors have truly sacrificed their sweat, blood and other assorted bodily fluids in order to put this together.

So kick back, light one up (if you are of age!) and enjoy the Daily Evergreen 420 Special Edition!

(And remember, for legal reasons, this is a joke!!!!!)