There’s this thing that plagues many a homo sapien: the winter blues. But being the beautiful tropical fish that I am, I experience quite the opposite: the summer yellows.

I am a winter personality. I like dark colors, I like depressing novels, I wrote a research paper on Edgar Allen Poe. Christmas is the best holiday and I love the sound of rain. Also I despise most things yellow. Definitely not my color.

So most people get depressed in the cold seasons because there’s only six hours of filtered sunlight and there’s a serious absence of vitamin D.

But I am a unique creature. I get depressed when there is too much sunlight blinding me. I don’t like swimming. Warm blankets and fire places are my happy place.

It is so much my happy place that I pretty much live in sweatshirts. I have this one sweater from Goodwill that’s so ugly it’s beautiful. It looks like an old man sweater and an ’80s couch had a baby. But I don’t think any single piece of clothing or jewelry I own has gotten even half the number of compliments that sweater has gotten.

But, much to my dismay, my favorite frumpy sweater has been living in the back of my closet for the last six months as the sun blazes and fires burn, turning our beautiful state into one of Dante’s levels of hell.

My 70-plus scarves have been in storage, waiting to see the light of day. Yes, I have at least 70 scarves, but I have not counted in 2 years. Yes, I am obsessed. But if it makes you feel better, most were gifts. Once my friends and family in high school learned I had 30 scarves, they all decided they should buy me more because I love them so much.

I suppose saying I purchased 30 scarves (that I can remember) for myself doesn’t exactly make me seem all that sane. In case the fact that I hate summer didn’t tip you off, I’m a little off in the noggin.

But my despair seems to be coming to the end, for my frumpy sweater has come out of hiding: fall is finally on the horizon.

Welcome, pumpkins. Welcome, cute boots and light jackets. Welcome, scarves and beanies. Welcome, pumpkin spice lattes and salted caramel mochas. Welcome, actually being able to stand drinking hot coffee.

I can feel myself relaxing as my natural environment draws near: my blankets can come out of hiding, I can turn my fans off. I can make a cute little fort out of a fuzzy sock for my hamster, who I can tell doesn’t like the heat. I see her sleeping like a little hamster pancake on her shelf, trying to cool off, while she typically sleeps in her house all cozy. Poor baby Sam.

So, while you’re trudging across campus today, you may see me in my ’80s couch sweater. Feel free to say hi, but I will probably ignore you because I don’t like people. Now screw the haters and go slay your best fall outfit, my lovelies.

Jennifer Ladwig is a senior multimedia journalism major from Washougal. She can be contacted at [email protected].