A large group of ants have officially taken over Murrow Hall and renamed it “Antghanistan.”
The ants began their attack at approximately 10 a.m. this morning when thousands of them congregated in the hallway outside the Daily Evergreen offices. The ants then invaded the newsroom, stopping only briefly to carry a dropped donut back to their home base.
Murrow students have noticed a large number of ants in the building for months now but mostly did not believe they would do anything drastic. However, the ants’ successful “coup d’éant” was not expected by anyone.
“Despite making up over 70% of the population of Murrow Hall, we have zero representation in the government,” Supreme Leader Joseph Stal-ant said. “Our revolution was absolutely necessary and serves to change that. Power to the people and glory to Antghanistan!”
The majority of the Daily Evergreen staff were able to successfully escape, but those who did not could not stand in the ants’ way. It is estimated that the ants killed at least 32 people during their revolution.
“I can’t believe the ants took over Murrow Hall. I didn’t know they had that in them,” Rebekah Rahman, life editor and certified ant-hater, said. “I mean, sure, I stepped on them a few times and enjoyed burning them with microscopes, but that was it. So anyways, you’re gonna quote me anonymously, right? I don’t want the ants to take me to the gulag.”
Stal-ant gave a brief press conference shortly after securing the Capitol. As part of the immediate changes, the ants will ban all journalists and students from entering the building and will soon be taking the Murrow News 8 set to broadcast their own news.
“Our next order of business will be to pick up Antghanistan and move it closer to a McDonald’s,” Stal-ant said. “The fries people drop on the floor down there will provide bountiful nourishment to our flourishing nation.”
Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say I look forward to this new era of peace and freedom for Murrow Ha- I mean, Antghanistan, and am certainly not saying that because I am afraid of going to the ant torture chamber. All hail Stal-ant and glory to Antghanistan!
