The United States of America passed away suddenly and violently on Jan. 20 at the age of 248.
The United States was born on July 4, 1776, in Philadelphia to 56 founding fathers, led by the first president, George Washington. The United States was considered a beacon of freedom and hope to its citizens and disenfranchised people of the world.
The country began life as a small, fledgling nation, mostly looked down upon by Europe, the main bloc of power in the world. As time went on, the nation proved itself as a powerful force.
The United States’ form of democracy was considered a bold experiment when it began, during an era where the powerful nations of the world were led by unelected monarchs. However, the system endured and matured throughout the 19th century, and despite many possible opportunities for it to fall, the government held steady and became an example for the other nations of the world. America’s government structure went from a laughing stock to the model for all emerging democracies.
In 1861, the United States suffered a painful fracture leading to a civil war due to the issue of slavery. America’s survival through this ordeal was in doubt to many, but after four years, it recovered, becoming stronger than ever.
The United States spent the better part of the 1800s expanding its border across the continent, from the Atlantic to the Pacific Ocean. Up until its passing, the United States maintained its record as one of the largest countries by size in the world.
To those suffering under brutal conditions in other parts of the world, immigrating to the United States was an impossible dream. To those who could make it, as soon as they arrived at Ellis Island and saw the magnificent Statue of Liberty, they knew they had arrived in a land of freedom rather than oppression
During the 20th century, the United States grew to have the strongest economy and infrastructure in the entire world. The first half of the century also saw widespread progressive reforms, such as recognizing women’s right to vote, that would have been unthinkable to other countries.
Throughout its life, the United States accumulated more allies than nearly any other nation. Becoming friendly with the United Kingdom, Canada, Germany, France, Japan and many others, America endeared itself to nearly every nation that was graced by its presence.
The United States will be remembered by its friends as a nation that enjoyed freedom, democracy and justice for all. Some of its hobbies included providing security to its most disenfranchised citizens, working with its closest allies to make the world a more peaceful place and saving Europe from tyrannical dictators, twice.
Sadly, in the last few years of its life, the United States began acting notably differently than the way its friends knew it. A large portion of its population began supporting the notion of disregarding everything that made it a great country, all in the name of making it “great again.”
All of this came to an end on Jan. 20, when the United States could no longer stand the pain and officially died when Joe Biden, its 46th and final president, left office and a self-described “dictator on day one” followed him as leader. The United States was officially pronounced dead at noon by every American who is smart enough to know how to spell their own name (about 48.4%).
The United States has been preceded in death by ancient Greece, its style of government’s biggest inspiration, and Nazi Germany, the nation most similar to what the United States transitioned into.
America’s former allies will certainly mourn this loss and try to remember it for what it was, rather than what it became at the end of its life. In lieu of flowers, the United States’ friends recommend you send boats to transport its former population to a more stable nation than what it became, like North Korea or Afghanistan.
