The Trump administration has been under fire for inadvertently including Jeffrey Goldberg, Atlantic editor-in-chief, in a group chat divulging highly classified military information. This chat discussed plans for American strikes on Yemen and the identity of an undercover CIA agent, among other things.
While these have been some of the biggest revelations from the recent chat leaks, many more subjects were discussed. Here are some of the other revelations the leaks provided.
A strike on California was considered
California, one of the most liberal states in the country, was considered a possible target for a military airstrike. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth said destroying California may guarantee the Republicans win every election for the foreseeable future, but was not sure how to do it.
“Is there any way we can crash a plane with a nuke onboard in like Los Angeles and make it look like an accident?” Hegseth said. “I mean, with all the other plane crashes in the last few months, who’d think anything of it?”
Marco Rubio has a crush on Pam Bondi
Who would have guessed the next big celebrity couple would be none other than the Secretary of State and the Attorney General? Well, according to these chats, if Marco Rubio grows a pair, he may just ask out Pam Bondi.
“She’s sooooooo hot man. I kept staring at her during the last cabinet meeting. I hope she didn’t notice,” Rubio said. “I’m not gonna ask her out though. She’d never like a nerd like me…”
Hegseth offered Rubio some words of encouragement.
“Bro, I was talking to Linda [McMahon] earlier and she said Pam totally thinks you’re cute,” he said. “You got to ask her out dude. Ask if she wants to come over and watch a movie or something. The worst she can say is no.”
JD Vance is not a fan of the memes
If you have been on the internet recently then you have definitely seen the memes editing pictures of JD Vance to look funny. Despite his claims that he enjoys the jokes, the group chat paints a different picture.
“I’m sorry I was crying at the last meeting guys,” Vance said. “That dumb broad [his wife] sent me one of the memes and it made me sad. It’s like, if I were to die would anyone care? Life just has no meeting anymore. My only joy in life is knowing you guys like me, right?”
Hegseth did not respond and quickly changed the subject.
They are planning a sleepover at the White House
For those upset with all the tragic stories coming out of the news recently, perhaps you can find some solace in the fact that Hegseth is planning a sleepover at the White House that should be, as in his words, “infinitely excellent.”
“We’re gonna play Call of Duty until 2 a.m. and drink like six gallons of Mug Root Beer,” he said. “Bring your sleeping bag and a bag of chips to the White House after work Friday. Also, Donald and Elon should be able to come, so it’ll be awsum!!! [sic]”
If the sleepover goes according to plan, the boys will also watch “The Shining” because “there’s a naked chick in it and it rules” and will have a Nerf gun fight where the loser has to lick a toilet seat.
Vance regretfully told the chat he would be unable to make it, because his wife wants him to vacuum the house. The chat did not react in any way to Vance saying he cannot make it.
