I have a confession to make. I’m basic.

I was discussing this week’s Mint with a friend when it hit me: We’re writing about seasonal drinks, so I’ll tell you all about my favorite.

But can’t stand beer, so any fall-ish hops nastiness is off the table. Wines I enjoy, but mostly the sweet ones, and sweet wines don’t exactly scream “autumn” to me.

So instead, I will tell you all about my obsession with pumpkin spice. Not just pumpkin spice lattes. Pumpkin spice everything.

Remember that column we ran a few weeks back, the one about the ruthless orange leader, the Pumpkin Overlord? I laughed and laughed as I read that, loving all the hidden Trump mentions and thinking how perfect it was for the PSL craze.

But last week, I spooked myself. I always get the pumpkin bagels when they come in season, they taste great with cream cheese. I get pumpkin spice eggnog once in a while, because it tastes like fall in a carton. Pumpkin spice lattes are a nice treat when a regular drip coffee just won’t do the trick.

Then last week, walking through Walmart, I became a pumpkin worshiper.

First, I saw a PSL in a bottle, which I grabbed as a pick-me-up for the next day. Then my boyfriend and I went to grab eggnog, because we could. I grabbed the pumpkin one, because I could. Then, I saw pumpkin spice Pop-Tarts, and grabbed some for some breakfast nummies. Then, there were these Keurig cups that came with PSL powder to mix into your K-cup coffee, which is perfect for the office.

Feeling satisfied with my haul, I begin to talk to checkout. Then I see pumpkin spice Cheerios. And pumpkin doughnuts. And pumpkin Pringles? Thankfully, I had a sane human with me who dragging me away before I grabbed anything else.

It’s an obsession, and I’m not proud of it. I need an intervention. Send help, please, I don’t want to ruin pumpkin for myself, I just have no self-control. Who knew that the Orange Overlord was real?

After writing this column, I never want to type out the “P” word ever again. But I’m thinking of hosting a movie night, gotta watch all those Halloween classics. It’s BYOPSL.

Jennifer Ladwig is a senior multimedia journalism major from Washougal. She can be contacted at [email protected].