Well, howdy. I am excited to debut as the Mint editor this semester and take over the Evergreen’s sassy place. My name is Gabriella Ramos, and I am an out-of-state student from Chicago. I hope you’re ready for a satire-filled semester of bad jokes, because that’s really all I can promise you at this point.

Rather than get in to all of my sappy goals for the section and a bunch of bulls–t no one wants to read, I would like to further elaborate on what it truly means to be an out-of-state student around the holidays, and just in general, really.

While I am from Chicago myself, my mother recently relocated to Boston, Massachusetts, and my dad to Detroit, Michigan. At this point, my brother is the only family member who still calls Chicago home. That said, I fly. A lot. If you needed a point of reference, for winter break in 2016, I took nine flights in three weeks. So yes, I am a 21-year-old seasoned traveler. The good news is, as of winter break 2017, I can get drunk on the plane.

Anyway, I would like to preface this by saying I am not a completely heartless sociopath, but by my third layover, my patience is tested, regardless of how many amaretto sours I ingested on the last flight (not that many, because booze is expensive on flights and I’m in college).

First of all, I never want to hear you complain about missing your parents. I am lucky if I get to see both of my parents for more than five days once a year. Plus, you’re in college, it’s time to cut the cord. And I certainly don’t want to experience you whining about not finding a ride home to the West Side for a long weekend.

Us out-of-state students are over here trying to decide between going home for Thanksgiving or Christmas because our parents have tuition to pay, and we obviously have no money of our own. I’m not sorry that you didn’t get to go home to see your dog this weekend.

Not to mention that with the time change, half the time I’m with my family, I’m asleep. In Boston, my body clock says it’s 9 a.m. while the actual clock says it’s noon. This is not pleasing to my elderly relatives who want to eat breakfast at 8 a.m., and it gets quite boring to be up alone at 2 a.m.

Also, when you’re a seasoned traveler, you’re a pro at recognizing who isn’t. That hillbilly standing on the moving walkway while you’re sprinting between layovers? Annoying. That hippie dude who needs coconut milk in his matcha green tea? Extra. That family of six standing in front of the monitors and blocking the whole aisle? Can’t relate, so I’m not going to comment. I’m just saying, parenting is probably the hardest job in the world. I just don’t want to smell it when I’m going through security at 6:30 a.m.

This may not be a great first impression, but I know my fellow out-of-state students can relate. I assure you I’m not crazy, just bitter.