Welcome to Cougar country, Cougar moms.

Mom’s Weekend here at Washington State University is a featured campus event. Three days filled with crafts, big-name shows, and family fun are a sure-thing every time Mom’s Weekend rolls around.

But what happens when those days turn to night? If you ask any honest Coug, they’ll likely tell you Mom’s weekend is the stuff of legend, chock-full of booze, babes, and particularly shameful early-morning walks back home.

But are the stories true? Are we destined to dance with moonlit mothers mesmerized by moonshine?

Do mothers come here just to see the campus sights? Or is there absolutely an unspoken quest among them to be a cougar mom in all interpretations of the word?

I say nay.

Let it be known that I support the idea of any mom taking a break from life’s responsibilities and letting loose for a night or two. Do I think every mom who comes to WSU for the weekend is named Stella and looking to get her groove back? Not a chance.

Sure, there’s a chance that these tales are truth, but if I remember correctly, I went through my freshman and sophomore Mom’s Weekends expecting to have my mind blown by their sheer measure of matriarchal misconduct.

Those moms must have missed the memo.

The idea that Mom’s Weekend is a Mecca for maternal mistresses and motherly madness seems to be resoundingly popular among most students, especially those who are gearing up for their first experience.

Freshman biology major Mikayla Holmes said she’s heard a lot of hype regarding the upcoming weekend.

“I heard Mom’s Weekend is the most feared weekend by the police,” Holmes said. “It’s the weekend where the most condoms are sold.”

According to popular belief, condoms sell like Busch Light this time of year. 

Sophomore construction management major Aaron Koch seconded the notion and asserted that rumors tell of sold-out condoms and moms hooking up with male students.

This Mom’s Weekend mythology might be more than myth, if we judge them by the resounding acknowledgements they receive.

But I doubt it.

Sophomore chemical engineering major Kelin Briant, a member of Beta Theta Pi, said he doesn’t think that moms come here to party, but they do get intoxicated. He attests to accounts of moms gone wild.

“Dude I’ve seen it,” Briant said. “I’ve seen empty bottles of Patron on grills and moms leaving at 8 a.m.”

It’s like the old Loch Ness fisherman who retells the story of the fateful morn on which he saw the monster. “The stories are true,” the fisherman says. “I was there alone in the wee hours of the morning. I saw it myself.”

Junior communication major Flash Hodges said he wouldn’t call the stories myth.

“They definitely do get wild,” Hodges said. “I’ve never seen a mom get too wild, but I’ve heard countless stories and seen Snapchats of moms getting it, though.”

These lone accounts and second-hand witness stories seem like more links in an endless chain of fabricated fan-fare, like tangled webs of white lies and wonder.

What are these students’ moms actually doing for Mom’s Weekend? Holmes said her family will go hiking and do other family stuff, while Ho’s mom isn’t coming at all.

Hodges’ said his mom will leave soon after they see the Jerry Seinfeld show at Beasley, and Koch said he’ll relax with his mom and disregard the rumors.

“I’ve grown to see (the rumors) are completely fake,” Koch said. “It’s a funny pre-conceived notion that’ll keep going around.”

Well said, Aaron Koch.

Now, have I proved anything false here? Probably not. Could the rumors be true? Probably so. Am I bitter because my Mom’s Weekend missions have all failed miserably? Yes, yes I am.

Still, I don’t believe there is a mob of moms who come to campus to hook up with guys. If there is, though, those are some moms I’d like to find.

– Fletcher Bailey is a junior communication major from Seattle. He can be contacted at 335-2290 or by [email protected]. The opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily those of the staff of The Daily Evergreen or those of Student Publications.