Football Head Coach Mike Leach sat down for his weekly press conference Monday afternoon to field questions about the previous week, the Cougars upcoming game and, of course, a few fun ones. Spokane’s KHQ does a weekly ‘fan question of the week,’ where a fan will submit a question for Leach. And boy, Leach saw that belt-high fast ball and smacked it out of the ballpark.

Instead of me trying to explain, it is better to hear Leach in his own words, so here is his 762-word response to the worst date he has ever been on:

“Oh man, the worst date? You guys act like I dated all the time … yeah I must say. God, yeah I’ll tell you what.

OK so I was in high school, and first of all, this young lady was a fantastic young lady, we just had nothing in common. We honestly had nothing in common.

It was the type of thing where we had the big dance coming up and I was heading up for an athletic event — and in Wyoming you would go out early sometimes like for track. The track meet would last three days. And I’m sure she feels the same way just so we’re clear [about the date being a bad one] cause it really was kind of mutual.

So we had a track meet, and so I’m heading out Thursday, because you would be gone Thursday, Friday and get back Saturday — because you know Wyoming is all spread out, so they would have like 13-team track meets because it was hard to assemble and get everyone together, and I’m heading 310 miles down the road.
So anyway, we didn’t really know each other, we hadn’t talked very much and so we agree to go together, and we literally did not know each other at all.

And it was during the disco-era, which was the worst era of music that there is. I mean, that’s just a bad memory, disco. All you people that like disco and want to revive disco, you’re out of your mind. I don’t care what you think. I mean it was horrible.

And then of course they overreacted and punk rock followed that because everyone was so angry. So it’s during the disco-era and the Bee Gees are on the radio, which were not my favorite, and she is singing along to every song — every single song, I can’t get in a word.

And so this was prom and so were going around once we get to the dance, I’m talking to more of my friends and she’s talking to more of her friends than we’re talking to each other.

And the other thing is we kind of went with my friend Larry, OK, and so Larry has a date in a kind of similar situation with his date too, because we weren’t like really going out with anybody, neither one of us, so then we end up — and the other thing, the tradition there is after prom they would have like a midnight drive-in movie, OK, the whole high school would go to the drive-in movie.

And this drive in movie um … well it was the worst movie ever … its um, yeah no, the disco one where they uhh … ‘Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band’ that’s the one! Where the other bands sing the Beatles’ stuff and they just butcher the Beatles’ stuff, other than Aerosmith who sang ‘Come Together,’ I thought did an outstanding job.

OK, so then were sitting there in the car, and I can’t remember we had some goofy signal, Larry and I. It was ‘alright, meet in the concessions store thing’ and so we get out of our cars, go to the concessions store, he says, ‘So how’s it going?’ ‘Yeah no horrible, she doesn’t even say anything!’ and stuff like that.

So then he goes ‘Yeah me too! I mean it’s awful, she’s not doing anything here and this and that.’

So then we said ‘Alright, screw it, you got everything you need?’ So I went in his car and sat with his date and I talked to her, who … we actually had a pretty good conversation.

Then he went in my car sat with my date, talked with her and he said it went alright. He said, ‘Man, she sings along a lot, doesn’t she?’

So then, the next day there’s supposed to be a picnic, you go to a picnic at one of the big campgrounds with the whole high school. So I said — yeah know because I didn’t want to be a bad guy — I said ‘So are you going to the picnic?’

She goes, ‘Ah, I don’t know if I’m going.’ Then she goes, ‘Do you want to go?’

I go, ‘Ahh.’ Then I go, ‘How about you?’

She goes, ‘Not really,’ then I go ‘Alright then, let’s not go.’

And so we didn’t. And I think it was very mutual and I have a lot of respect for her, but yeah know I think in the end she wanted to be going with someone else and so did I.”

Truly a Leach-moment for the books.