In preparation for the dreaded and dreary Dead Week, I’m keeping my fingers crossed and constantly wishing for the Devil’s Dust to graciously fall upon the hills of the Palouse.

Termination powder. A snowpocalypse. Crust and dust. Fluff. Snowmageddon. White good good. No matter what the severity of the flurry is, I need the snow to visit us for the sake of preserving my sanity in its cold hands.

Yes, the coolness that glowing powder brings along with it may require you to ask your parents for electricity bill money, but engulfing yourself in various blankets will do just fine. Maybe you have to buy snow tires, so you can transport yourself safely, but who really needs a car?

Some people may be worried about the potential pain that can be inflicted on their bums as they crash into the ground, but learning how to walk on slick surfaces just requires practice. You have to admit, there is a beauty to the awkward shuffle and flapping of limbs in the air as someone tries to maintain their balance.

Perhaps the reason you’re not fond of wintertime is that you’re not used to being chill like the Snowtorious B.I.G. or you don’t have much experience in this climate. There’s no need to fret over your lack of familiarity with coolness because there’s an easy way to get around your weakness.

An obvious way to approach this is by layering up when you go out into the wilderness (or WSU’s icy and snowy hills). If you’re desperate, you can keep hand warmers in your pockets at all times and constantly drink warm liquids. Turning up your thermostat is also a good idea if it hasn’t crossed your mind.

Although there was a small dose of snow that graciously fell upon the rolling hills last week, we were eventually abandoned by it as it melted and left us bare and soggy. We need to find a way to get it back. Let’s not forget snow is an important part of Earth’s climate system and helps regulate the temperature of this big ball we call home.

To the followers and unfaltering skeptics out there, let’s plead to the snow gods and goddesses to get their lazy butts out of the freezer and bring that nippiness to Pullman.

Call Chione, the Greek goddess of snow, and ask her if she wants to go out for some drinks. Maybe the legendary snow dragon Kuraokami would be persuaded to stop by Pullman if you sacrificed a cow or something.

If we’re desperate, we can ask Itztlacoliuhqui if he’d loan us a handful of snowstorms. Considering he’s also the god of human misery and punishment, he should be last on the list.

Pick whichever deity you want as long as they can get the job done.

Although snow is known as delivering melancholy spirits, it can also make everything still and peaceful when it arrives. This is perfect for our community because, no offense everyone, but we need to chill a bit.