Welcome back, you drunken b-stards!

The holidays have now come and gone and a brand new drinking season starts again. Take a good look around you, friends, and see all who have those ridiculous wireless earbuds, because in two weeks, I estimate 60 percent of them will lose one or both of them.

But fret not, because I, your humble King of Booze, is back, and I will usher you into a brand new semester of drinks, libations, shots and shotguns.

For all of you fellas out there who just bought your gal a splendid pile of sh-t for Christmas, you have Valentine’s Day coming up in five weeks, so head up. Mom’s Weekend in April, Mardi Gras in March, and of course, the crown jewel of the alcoholic calendar, Saint Patrick’s Day. That being said, there’s plenty to talk about.

First, let it be known that some of the finest alcoholic wizards among you collaborated late last semester and after months of crafting made 62 cases of the finest white wine you mortals will ever have the pleasure to drink. Much wow to the Viticulture and Enology Club for crafting what will probably be the finest wine WSU Pullman has ever produced. Stay tuned for more information on its release, tasting notes and where you can snag a bottle or six.

Second, I understand the weather is dreary around this time of year and will probably remain so for some time, so let me key you into where to go and issue a challenge of which only the most bold and daring will partake.

In our lovely sister town of Moscow, there lies a hidden gem called the Garden Lounge. Aside from being in a savvy location, since the Grub Truck parks right in front of it Wednesday through Saturday nights, they have one of the most extensive cocktail menus in the Northern Hemisphere. It consists of about 100 drinks, and on Mondays they’re half off.

This semester, I will do the Garden Lounge Challenge and consume every drink on the menu. No easy task, but the Wazzu Drinking Team and I are up for the challenge.

I do understand that the winter months can be quite dull as far as booze goes, so I wanted to reach out and extend my knowledge of the highlight of every college student’s drink of choice: vodka. It’s no mystery, and it’s not necessarily something to be ashamed of. It literally mixes well with anything.

Ladies and gentlemen, learn to make a good vodka drink, and not a vodka cranberry. You’re grown ups for f-ck’s sake, show some class. The simplest drink to make is one of my personal favorites, the Vodka Gimlet, pronounced with a hard ‘G’. Here’s what you need: Vodka, simple syrup and a lime. That’s it.

If you’re serious about making some awesome drinks, then you should know how to make simple syrup and keep some in your fridge. One cup sugar to one cup water, and boil. Let it cool and there you go. Easy.

Onto the drink recipe. In your favorite shaker, add two and a half ounces vodka, a half ounce of fresh lime juice and a half ounce of simple syrup. Shake and serve. It’s that simple.

It’s good to be back. Cheers, you drunken b-stards, and bottoms up!