Ask Emma: I got ghosted

Give them the benefit of the doubt; respect their wishes for communication

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ANISSA CHAK

If you’ve used a dating app, there’s a good chance you’ve been ghosted before. Emma tells readers to respect boundaries and to not make assumptions when you don’t get a response back from someone.

EMMA LEDBETTER, Evergreen columnist

Dear Emma,

I got ghosted, and I don’t know what I did wrong. I was talking to this person on an internet dating website, and I felt like the conversation was going really well. I’m not sure what happened, but they just stopped responding to me all of a sudden. It’s really hard to get to know someone when they aren’t making an effort to get to know you.

I normally wouldn’t care but I felt like it was going so well. Any advice on how to get them back?

Thanks,

Left Alone


Dear Left Alone,

That sucks and I’m sorry you’re dealing with that.

Did they say anything or give any indication of why they might not be replying? I always err on the side of caution when assuming why people aren’t responding. 

You really don’t know what’s going on in their life and they might be busy or have something they’re dealing with right now. Give them the benefit of the doubt and see if they start replying again.

If they gave you a reason for why they wanted to stop texting, take that into consideration. Be respectful as you decide to respond or not respond accordingly. 

The caveat is, if they straight up told you they do not want to be communicating any longer, you should respect that, even though you felt like it was going really well. Maybe they didn’t feel the same way. It sucks, but that happens sometimes. 

Honestly, my best piece of advice here is to try not to obsess over it. That really just makes it mentally exhausting and you don’t need that kind of stress in your life! They may be dealing with something personal or they may not want to talk anymore — either way, you’ve done what you can. Don’t take it as a reflection of who you are.

If you’re on an internet dating site, there are probably plenty of other people you might hit it off with! Give one of them a shot and chances are, it will work out better (no guarantees though). 

Out of all this, if you take anything away, don’t let getting ghosted get you down. There are plenty of other people, and it’s not worth it to stress about this one. 

If they reply, great. If not, also great. It just means you’ll have more opportunities to explore.

I hope that helps!

Best,

Emma

Got a question? Write to us! Ask Emma can be contacted by emailing sm.coordinator@dailyevergreen.com.