Warning: we will go from cheap vanilla to vomit suppression quicker than you can pound your next beer.

I urge you to treat this column like an official adult contract. Instead of yelling a safe word at the top of your lungs and scaring the life out of the person sitting next to you, simply stop reading when your eyes and brain can take no more.

First of all, we need to clear up some things by answering: what is a fetish and what is a paraphilia?

A sexual fetish (or sexual fetishism) is commonly understood as an obsession or compulsion to seek out any of the following for sexual arousal: lesser important erogenous zones or body parts, clothing (costumes or types), textures, or thoughts, urges or behavior.

Paraphilia is a more clinical term used to describe unique sexual expressions or tastes that differ from societal norms for ‘appropriate sexual behavior’ that may or may not interfere with a person’s normal range of functioning.

Tier I: Cheap Vanilla

Flagellation/ Caning/ Birching: beating or whipping for sexual gratification or masochism (pleasure from humiliation or pain)

Voyeur: person that experiences arousal from watching other people undress or engage in sexual acts

Frotteurism: thoughts or behaviors resulting in one person rubbing their genitals on an unsuspecting, nonconsenting person in a public place.

Hybristophilia: the sexual attraction or arousal to criminals ranging from high-profile examples like Mr. Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer, or O.J. Simpson to a less high profile example like people on campus with the whole “bad boy” or “bad girl” persona thing going on.

Tier II: Well that’s different

Hematolagnia/Vampirism: some distinctions can be made between these but they are very similar and involve the thoughts, actions or behaviors involving arousal or excitement from blood or biting but not necessarily blood drinking.

Symorophilia: arousal from watching, staging or causing serious accidents with an automobile or other instrument of destruction.

Axillism: using the armpit for sexual acts or becoming aroused by the armpit

Agalmatophilia: sexual attraction to statues or more commonly mannequins; I bet you will see your favorite clothing store displays in a whole new way

Tier III: Brace yourself

Lactaphilia: arousal from either sucking on or watching lactating breasts. Got milk?

Flatuphilia: an arousal from others passing gas – yes, farts.

Coprophilia: abnormal arousal, excitement or pleasure from defecation or feces

Emetophilia: when a person is aroused by vomit or other people vomiting. In some cases people with this fetish might even, please excuse me for a second, eat it

Infantilism: the whole adult baby sexual fetish that involves regression to an infant like state which may include using a diaper, breast feeding, drinking from a bottle or other things.

There are so many things we didn’t cover, excuse the word vomit, like: fisting, dildos, androids or robots, machines, latex, smothering, leather, cuffs, rope, bondage, suits, preference for elderly, amputees, beating, wax, teasing, strap-on, role play, sex in public or any others.

Please feel free to look up in your spare time and be safe out there. Consent is the key to true fetish play.

Jorden Wilson is a senior psychology major from Seattle. She can be contacted at 335-2290 or by [email protected]. The opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily those of the staff of The Daily Evergreen or those of the Office of Student Media.