SATIRE: Don’t worry about the spy balloon!

Those Chinese balloons were probably just taking pictures of birds or something



What is a little balloon and a camera going to really do anyways?


I’m sure by now you have all heard about the spy balloon that was cruising across the good ole U. S. of A. off the coast of South Carolina a couple of weeks ago. If I were you, I wouldn’t worry about it, it doesn’t seem like too big of a deal to me and it shouldn’t to you either. 

It is only a balloon what real threat to national security can it have? It is not like they can steal houses with a measly ol’ balloon. I mean the president only let the balloon sit there for three whole days. The US shot down the balloon so it doesn’t even matter anyway.

If I had to guess, China doesn’t have any ill will towards us as a country and doesn’t have any reason to harbor resentment against us. I bet that they didn’t collect any private, secure information about our country. 

Even if they did, I encourage it! I know that China has our back no matter what and it is probably a good thing to have them as a country know information about us so they can support us in any role that we might need in the future. 

Honestly, I think that we should share more of our private information as a country with everybody else. Everyone! Leak your passwords! Send out the fun numbers on the back of your credit card! Let it all loose! National security? Bah! 

My sources say that there is nothing to worry about, they have opted to remain nameless but just trust me on this one bro, I promise my source is legit.

Even if they were trying to gather information about our country (which I highly doubt), what would they even see that wouldn’t be on Google Maps? Oh no, China has footage of our corn and wheat fields? Boo hoo. 

I’m sure you can find some much wilder stuff on Google Maps than what you could find on the footage of the spy balloon. 

Unless, the spy balloon was trolling over Area 51, trying to find some hidden treasures that we have stashed away there. Then that would be a totally different story. Personal information? Overrated. The aliens that we have in the bunkers? That is a national security concern. 

Or maybe this was the Houston Astros’ next step in their elaborate sign-stealing scheme that they were notoriously busted for when they were caught using trash cans and hidden cameras to signal the next pitch to their batter. Maybe they will use a massive balloon to pick up on the signs that their opposing catchers are showing the pitchers. 

I don’t think you should worry about this controversial event that transpired. You might as well embrace it! You can’t control other people’s actions so you might as well just let it happen. 

If you post personal information on Facebook, it probably is already accessed by anybody and their families anyway! What is the difference if a lovely little balloon is just making its way across the country? I mean, we already get a lot of our imports from China so why not let them take some silly little footage of us?