Mike Johnson, United States Speaker of the House, announced the proposed budget for the 2025 fiscal year, which cuts, among other things, government funding for Santa Claus’s workshop.
The incoming administration plans to cut government spending by as much as possibly 75%, according to AFGE. Johnson said all planned cuts are absolutely necessary.
“Our economy is struggling and we need to make tough decisions to help the American people,” Johnson said. “Among the government agencies we are proposing cutting funding for are the Department of Education, Department of Energy and Santa’s workshop.”
Proponents of this budget, including Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy, heads of the newly created Department of Government Efficiency, said these cuts will not completely defund Santa’s operations. Instead, he may merely be forced to cut down on spending in a few areas.
“Rest assured, these cuts will not completely ruin Christmas next year. Santa will just be forced to make a few reductions in spending here and there,” Musk said. “For example, if you ask for a PlayStation 5 this Christmas, Santa may have to get you a crappy used Wii U instead. Additionally, if you ask for a new phone, he may have to buy a less expensive gift like, uh… a Wii U.”
When asked if Santa should save money by buying cheaper cars than Teslas, Musk said just because he had less money to work with does not mean he should do anything crazy.
This plan is not without its critics. Skeptics have said with a reduced budget, Santa may not be able to pay his elves fairly and may have to make mass layoffs.
“I appreciate the large tax cuts for the highest income earners I’m about to benefit from, but cutting funding for the workshop is going too far,” Santa said. “Looks like Mike’s getting a flaming bag of shit this Christmas. I hope he knows when I have to make the reindeer eat each other, it’s his fault.”
Johnson said these developments are not a personal attack on Santa for endorsing Vice President Kamala Harris in the election held earlier this year. He pointed to many other government institutions that will see reduced budgets next year.
“Santa is not alone in these budget cuts, we will also be cutting funding for the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and the Boogie Man,” he said. “I mean, where else are we going to get the money to increase military spending by another $100 billion?”
Well, it sure looks like Donald Trump will be getting a lump of coal this Christmas! Happy Holidays from the Daily Evergreen and, considering Santa’s new found hardships, we hope your family does not cheap out and springs for some good presents.
