Satire: Back to school means back to the frats!

Every week is sylly week at WSU



Don’t worry about those assignments! Like I said, future you problem!

ANNABELLE PEPIN, Evergreen columnist

I have never met anyone in my life that has gone to college and actually went to their classes. I have been back at school for about a month now and the thought of going to class has simply not crossed my mind.

I want to party as hard as I can before I have to pay any bills or have any responsibilities.  

Every morning is the same: I wake up, brush my teeth, get dressed and grab my backpack. Ready for the day, I head toward Bryan Hall. But instead of stopping at my Com321 class, I head to Greek row for a darty (daytime party). 

There is no need to go to my communications classes because I am already really good at communicating. The basis of communication is socializing, which is my strong suit. I bet that is the reason that there are so many communications majors in Greek Life; the socializing!

That was the one and only reason I declared my multimedia journalism major so early; because it is only useful to socialize and there is never any writing assignments, homework, or exams. 

I have a capstone coming up, but the only cap I am worried about is the one on the bottle I am going to sneak into this Saturday’s CFS. 

When I heard Ted from “How I Met Your Mother” say that his future self can worry about the problems he is facing, I decided that would be my mindset for all of college. My future self can worry about my capstones and missing homework assignments when I get there!

Homework itself is overrated. Everything I have ever learned after stepping foot on campus has been after midnight in a fraternity basement. My mom always says “nothing good happens after midnight,” but she must have never been to Pullman in September. 

I never get FOMO (fear of missing out) because I will always choose a shallow conversation with a fraternity brother rather than an in-depth one on my discussion posts. Why have discussion posts if I can talk about myself in person?

The connections I am making with random party-goers are far more important for my future than those I make with my professors. Who needs letters of recommendation anyway? I would rather have a million Snapchats of random people I will never speak to in real life!

I could never imagine doing anything that benefits my career. Writing for the student-led newspaper to get experience? Absolutely not. 

A few years ago, I heard that WSU was one of the top party schools in the country, which was why I wanted to go. I never considered the fact that it is a university labeled a “doctoral university with the highest research activity” by the Carnegie Classifications in 2021

Let’s be real here, no one really goes to the library to do research, everyone just says that because they want to look smart. The library is just a place to sip your coffee and people watch.

Building a routine, branching out, creating study habits and getting work done will never result in a successful life. The only way to have a successful life is to “live till 5” every night. That 9 a.m. exam is a problem for future you 😉