Booze News: Wingperson-ing tips, drunk courtesy

Grasp social nuances when drinking in bars, learn how to help friends make lasting impressions on crushes

CHRIS WEST, Evergreen columnist

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You know what I love about October aside from the blitzkrieg of German food, the inevitable parade of sexy pumpkin costumes, and clever “punny” costumes at the end of the month? The comfort of it all.

By now, people have made friends and acquaintances that you have probably studied with, gotten a ride from, maybe slept with, kissed or wingman-ed (or wingwoman-ed) for. The social interactions surrounding this time of year are so much fun to watch or be a part of.

We’re all scrambling to figure out what we’re going to be for the start of boozy holiday season around All Hallows’ Eve, and rightly so. There’s so much going on, but there will be more on that later. I wanted to be among you and talk about the social nuances of our drinking here in Pullman.

So I went out to The Coug, got myself a pint and asked the real question: how do you keep yourself from getting to that point where you have to have someone hold your hair back at the club or the bar?

A group of insightful women who wished to remain anonymous filled me in. They said it requires a delicate mix of alcohol and water, but it can’t always be prevented.

“You always have that one girl in the group who pregamed a little too hard and makes frequent trips to the parking lot,” one said. “[Or they just] disappear 15 minutes after arriving, latched to the face of some guy … either way, nobody wants to be that girl.”

From what I gathered from our conversation, there’s no real etiquette to who you’re hooking up with. Just avoid it if you are so drunk you can’t consent, and the same goes for the other person. However, if everything is in the clear, this leads us to the question: what makes a good wingperson to aid in said hooking up?

For this I needed another pint.

It came down to two distinct answers: A good wingperson keeps the conversation engaging between the three of you. Don’t make your friend seem desperate or talk them up, but just make the situation comfortable, and then let it take on a life of its own. Talking about how the Cougs are going to trounce Oregon: good. Saying that they’ve been wanting to lick you for three months: bad. Learn the difference.

A bad wingperson makes excuses to the person you’re talking to, such as saying “He’s not normally this [insert embarrassing social quality here].” This may seem endearing and helpful, but what you’re actually doing is pointing out their flaws and making yourself look better than who you’re trying to talk up. That’s just selfish.

As far as booze goes when winning someone over, I’ve got a winner for you that’s easy and awesome. Take some gin, orange juice, fresh lemon, a few cinnamon sticks and some Angostura bitters and you’ve got a spooky and boozy cocktail. This will impress even the staunchest of specters out there.

As we draw closer and closer to Halloween, the art of “Helping-Your-Friend-Get-Theirs” will become more and more important. Especially at a soiree where everyone is wearing a mask. That said being said, stay safe out there, you drunken, scandalous bastards, and bottoms up.