Satire: Students return to Pullman, classes

Residents anticipate messy halls, early classes, imminent doom after winter break



As students stumble back into their normal routines, they may find it’s harder than it looks to get up for a class as late as 10 a.m.

MARA JOHNSON, Evergreen columnist

Students are coming back to Pullman with opinions on the government shutdown, “Bird Box” and probably “Black Mirror: Bandersnatch.” What better way to start off the semester than with binge-watching Netflix with new friends?

Some people were lucky enough to evade the drunken political talk at the family get-together by staying in the quietness of Pullman. Most everyone else’s holiday-high is wearing off, but there’s just enough of a buzz to not totally hate having classes … until you actually have to wake up for class.

When freshmen first sign up for classes, some of them are naive and choose early classes since they’ve spent their entire school career waking up early. But as second semester came creeping, many freshmen learned and strategically picked later-starting classes.

“I woke up every day during break at 11 [a.m.], which is perfect since my classes start at noon. I don’t have to change my sleep schedule, I can sleep in and still make it to math on time,” said Anna Linjection, a freshman animal sciences major.

To go along with a perfect sleep schedule, once back on campus some people are finally able to smoke and have fun without parents breathing down their necks. Even though campus police could just as easily shut down a party, it feels safer at school.

“I was too afraid to smoke while I was at home, my parents are super close-minded about any sort of drugs. Now that I’m back on campus, I have all my usual smoke spots to walk to and clear my mind,” Linjection said. “I’m really happy to finally be able to smoke without repercussions from my parents.”

Coming back to Pullman after a hopefully relaxing winter break can be a bit of a shock. In all fairness, Pullman is a college town and the sudden large influx of students at the beginning of January gave life to the small town. Carl Arm, a junior communication major, was one of the few who stayed on campus for the holiday break.

“It was nice being alone for the most part. I got to focus on myself and on work,” Arm said. “Once students began to arrive back on campus, I realized how lonely I actually was. I almost forgot other people existed. At least work isn’t going to be as slow anymore.”

Students and teachers alike struggle to get out of the comfort of bed. After the break, everyone needs time to adjust.

Even the janitorial crew needs to get back in the groove of cleaning up after rowdy college kids. Dylan Weed, one of the custodians for Orton Hall, is dreading the new semester almost as much as students.

“I spent the past three weeks almost relaxing, now it’s back to the grind,” Weed said. “A lot of these students claim they can easily live on their own, but I’ve seen the way some of them leave the bathroom. The few weeks I was here, while everyone went home for the holidays, is the cleanest I have seen this campus in a long time. It’s what I get paid for, but hey, it’s still f-cking disgusting and I’m not excited to clean up after grown adults.”

Soon students and staff will begin to fall into similar routines, leaving the noisiness of the beginning of a semester behind. From one student to another, have fun adjusting back to Pullman life and good luck with classes, tests and the seemingly endless pile of homework.