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Satire: Students disappoint grandparents on Valentine’s Day

Celebrate with frat parties, box wine, pizza; physical, genuine love blossoms for couples

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Satire: Students disappoint grandparents on Valentine’s Day

NICK SANDIFER | THE DAILY EVERGREEN

NICK SANDIFER | THE DAILY EVERGREEN

NICK SANDIFER | THE DAILY EVERGREEN

MARA JOHNSON, Evergreen columnist

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Whatever your plans may be on this loveless day, Happy Valentine’s Day. Everyone has their own special plans, whether that’s with a loved one or maybe with the 2/10 you found for the night to make yourself feel better about being alone.

People see Valentine’s Day as a way to show love and affection for someone you’ve been too nervous to admit your feelings to. Who else remembers elementary school when parents bought candy and cards for everyone in the class? Those were the simpler times, the good ol’ days.

Now we’re in college and drugs have become the candy that let us show our feelings to the people we love. Frat parties are a prime example of the modern day Cinderella ball for Valentine’s Day lovin’.

An invitation to a party is like that special Valentine’s Day card you got in fifth grade and the free booze is the candy. But remember, no underage drinking — this college is strongly against it.

Don’t expect to find romance — instead expect the walk of shame in the morning, and, not using its walking feet, your hangover is following close behind.

If you’re like some people, you may find yourself alone or with other singles drinking Franzia and watching rom-coms in a small, dark dorm room. Snacks all over the carpet that you’re not afraid to eat and Domino’s pizza straight out of the box: the best way to spend Valentine’s single. It’s less sad if you have friends.

A rare few find love out on the Palouse and can celebrate Valentine’s Day with genuine affection. Maybe with a romantic date followed by sweet love-making, or by going back to your own rooms and going to sleep.

Some might get asked the big question: anal? Or, who knows, he might propose and you can show off your ring to your jealous girl friends. Though keep in mind, you might become the jealous girl friend.

Some people find themselves over-celebrating, making others uncomfortable like sitting next to a mouth-breather. Don’t get overzealous when it comes to Valentine’s Day — that’s what birthdays and Cinco de Mayo are for. If you really want to feel love, take some molly.

No plan for Valentine’s Day is the wrong plan, being alone is just as fun as having your night ruined by high expectations. Have fun doing whatever it is you’re doing, even if it disappoints your grandparents. They don’t need to know.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all and to all a good night.

About the Writer
MARA JOHNSON, Evergreen columnist

Mara Johnson is a freshman English major from Bellevue, WA.

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Satire: Students disappoint grandparents on Valentine’s Day