Welcome to Good Eats, the restaurant that serves the most delicious college meals you can possibly imagine, recommended by one out of 10 doctors. If you are looking for a Top Ramen-Nutella-Oreo scramble or perhaps just a Laffy Taffy smoothie, this is the place for you.

What follows is the menu for the destination spot for those with a sweet tooth, dental insurance and no fear when it comes to nutritional information.

The first appetizer offered at Good Eats is a microwavable burrito topped with Sriracha sauce, chocolate chips and whipped cream. Do not attempt to eat this item if you have a family health history of diabetes or sensible taste.

The next appetizer offered is a platter of bagel bites covered in lettuce, tomatoes and broken dreams. This finger-food is ideal if you have recently been rejected from graduate school or an internship you applied to.

Good Eats’ last appetizer is a bowl of the knock-off cereal of your choice: Apple John’s, Cheeri-no’s, Cocoa Poofs, Special J, Cinnamon Toast Chomp, Bronze Grahams or Frosted Fakes.

The most popular entrée offered at Good Eat is the spaghetti and vegetable medley, which comes with a half-empty gallon of milk to sip on. For an extra 50 cents, you can have random cheese from the back of the fridge, which you hope is still good to eat, melted on top.

Next, a fan-favorite entrée: a hunk of chicken with sides of mac and cheese and yogurt, in strawberry or peach.

The final entrée served at Good Eats is a massive bowl of plain oatmeal mixed with water. For a quarter more, the waiter will scatter cinnamon-sugar on top like they do with pepper on salads.

Dessert, the most popular food option for patrons, is prioritized as the main focus of attention for the founders of Good Eats, Chad and T.J. from down the hall. Chad and T.J. honed their cooking prowess from years of combining whatever food was available into a delicious mess. They also spent many days shadowing Guy Fieri, which explains their obsession with drive-ins, tendency to wear sunglasses indoors and lack of introspection.

The most popular dessert on the menu is the massive chocolate chip cookie, which comes with an array of toppings from gummy bears, to bear claws, to gummy bear claws. For an extra tip, your waiter will sing “Happy Birthday” or Rebecca Black’s “Friday,” ironically on a Tuesday.

Another infamous dessert option at Good Eats is the strawberry, mint, chocolate and kale milkshake, which comes with a side of regret and a refill of low self-esteem. For a little extra, the wait staff will reenact your first middle school crush rejecting you in the cafeteria in front of all your friends.

Remember to tip your wait staff, at least 15 percent if you forgot, and avoid eye contact with your professors as you walk by their table. Because at Good Eats, it’s never too late for a delicious snack; unless it’s after midnight, in which case the restaurant will be closed for the night.

Chris Arneson is a senior sports management major from Bothell. He can be contacted at [email protected].