Editor’s note: If you or a loved one are experiencing domestic abuse, please reach out to ATVP’s 24-hour hotline at 509-332-4357.
While Valentine’s Day can be a time to celebrate love in relationships, it may also be an extremely difficult time for those who have experienced or who are actively experiencing domestic violence. Studies show an increase in domestic violence, up to 9%, around the holiday.
Over one in three women and one in four men have experienced violence in their relationships, according to a National Domestic Violence Hotline study.
Stephanie Rohrbaugh, domestic violence program lead advocate at Alternatives to Violence on the Palouse, spoke to The Daily Evergreen about some of the most common ways domestic violence manifests itself and what resources are available to survivors.
ATVP is a local organization that aims to empower those affected by domestic violence, sexual violence and stalking. Their extensive services are completely free and they work with local organizations to educate communities both on and off campus.
Domestic violence can manifest itself in a variety of ways, from emotional to financial to physical violence. Most commonly, emotional abuse is the first to present, Rohrbaugh said.
Emotional abuse includes insults, misplaced blame and gaslighting. It can also look like your partner isolating you from your friends and communities, which typically starts in innocent ways before shifting to more violent manifestations.
Financial control can also be a form of abuse. Forcing a partner not to work or to take on primary financial responsibility in order to limit their monetary resources are common signs of financial abuse.
Physical abuse is most often what people think of when they think about domestic violence. While this can be assault, such as hitting, slapping or kicking, it can present in other ways.
“It can be hitting things around you. It can be breaking things. It can be not allowing you medical access if you need that,” Rohrbaugh said.
Abuse often occurs in cycles, going from love bombing to more subtle signs of abuse, to an eventual explosion.
“Everything’s either magical and great, or it’s chaos,” Rohrbaugh said.
If any of these signs feel familiar within your relationship, ATVP provides an abundance of resources. Their services are voluntary, confidential and victim-led, meaning there is no requirement to contact the police if that is not desired.
ATVP also provides legal services, including filing protection orders. They also provide housing assistance, whether that be temporary relocation at an undisclosed location or helping break your lease.
Outside of legal and housing assistance, there are also options for emotional support, including support groups. The victim-led aspect of ATVP is highly prioritized.
“We do a little bit of everything, all of the time, and we’re entirely voluntary,” Rohrbaugh said. “The minute you don’t want to work with us, you don’t have to work with us.”
When asked about a general message to those actively experiencing domestic violence, Rohrbaugh emphasized the importance of trusting yourself, knowing you do not deserve to be treated with abuse and knowing there is a support system out there.
“You don’t deserve to be insulted, you don’t deserve to be hit. You don’t deserve to have your credit card ran up on behalf of somebody who is treating you poorly,” Rohrbaugh said.
