Booze News: Avoid arctic tundra, stay in, get day drunk

Here’s some tips for getting all warm, cozy at home with whichever liquor you prefer

CHRIS WEST, Evergreen columnist

I am almost positive that everyone has, at some point in their life, been given important and life-long advice from a parent or loved one: “A penny saved is a penny earned,” or “Spit that out,” stuff like that.

For instance, my father gave me his own piece of advice that I still follow: “A bird in the hand is always greener than the grass underneath the other guys bush.” Smart man, my dad.

Anyway, another piece of advice comes to mind that I feel I should give you beautiful bastards: If your spit freezes before it hits the ground, then it is too cold to play outside. So what do you do when the temperatures drop to single digits?

You stay in and get day drunk, of course. So when Mother Nature is being a fickle pain in the ass and can’t decide what season she wants to toss out into the world, follow these tips to beat the cold weather and become a burrito in the safety and warmth of your own home.

First things first: Preparation is key. Personally, when it’s snowing, I’m more of a hot buttered rum kind of a guy, but this time I’m going a different direction. Go get yourself some hot chocolate.

Then head to the nearest service station and grab the wonderful airplane bottles of peppermint Schnapps, Bailey’s Irish Cream, Veil Chocolate Vodka or whatever suits your fancy at the time. If you’re feeling worldly and classy, then grab a little bottle of silver tequila and some chili powder to add to your hot chocolate.

Add your favorite TV show. I recommend “Cops,” because there’s something satisfying about watching other people make stupid decisions and getting caught. Or, if you’re a Netflix junkie, throw on something you’re not used to and binge that. I suggest “Altered Carbon.” Don’t forget to make a sandwich or six.

If you’re feeling more south-of-the-border, then go the way of the margarita. For a new twist on the typical warm weather drink, try this recipe out on a cold day.

Find a shaker, throw in a shot and a half of fresh lime juice, a shot and a half of fresh grapefruit juice, a shot and half of Cointreau (or Grand Marnier, I don’t judge), and three shots of silver tequila. Normally, I would recommend an anejo tequila, but this is a winter margarita, so silver will do perfectly.

Be sure to salt the rim of the glass and throw in some chili powder, and you got yourself a great margarita.

I have to talk about Merry Cellars, because, you know, they’re awesome. They had a cozy little soiree over the weekend for their Wine Club Release Party. The event was complete with cheese galore, Chelsea doing one-armed chin-ups whilst drinking a glass of wine, and bisque. Just say bisque out loud right now. It will make you feel better and smile. Bisque.

They released a 2015 Mourvedre, the dark horse of wine grapes, as well as an aggressive and saucy 2015 Cabernet Sauvignon and a 2016 Viognier (pronounced Vee-OWN-Yay) that smells of elderflower, honeysuckle and perfume. I would recommend grabbing any of these bottles and spending a night in to avoid the tundra outside.

That being said, stay safe and warm my friends, and bottoms up.