SATIRE: Nothing lit going on tonight, frat members report

Columnist says party school doesn’t live up to rep, never invited



It may sound like people are partying, but students study with loud music and strobe lights.

JOEL KEMEGUE, Evergreen mint editor

Over the years WSU has garnered a reputation for being a “party school”, one that has both drawn and driven people away from the college. But is that reputation really deserved?

In fact, do WSU students even like to party?

“Yeah, it’s usually pretty quiet,” said Alpha Beta Alpha member Jack Daniels when I asked him if he and the guys were doing anything tonight. “We’re probably just going to chill, study. Nothing you’d really be interested in.”

Daniels said that there “really aren’t that many parties going on, honestly,” and “if I hear about anything, I’ll let you know,” though he never got back to me. He also mentioned that when they do host something, they’re usually “just for, like, the guys in the frat,” and “really small things,” so “it probably wouldn’t be that fun.”

Countless times I’ve called up friends on a quiet Friday night, asking if there was anything going on, only to find out that they were just studying.

New students might be skeptical of this, especially since many WSU students like to study at other people’s dorms with loud music and what sounds like talking in the background.

However, you’ll quickly find that this is a common study method around campus, especially on weekends. So, if you hear party music and what sounds like people having fun without you, don’t worry. It’s probably just someone working on an essay.

Many new students often expect that by meeting fraternity or sorority members, they’ll find out about all the hot ragers going on at any given time. This couldn’t be further from the truth however, as frats and sororities, frats especially, can often be the farthest from any sizzling soirees.

The obvious solution to a new student might be to host their own little get-together, but even then, they might find their friends to be so busy that they forget to show up.

“Oh, that was today?” asked viticulture major Bud Miller, after I called him when he didn’t show up to that party I was putting together on Saturday. “Man, I completely forgot. I was way too sucked into my English paper.”

After mentioning that we had the same class and there was no English paper assigned, Miller attributed his forgetfulness to “all the stuff that’s been going on.” When asked to elaborate, he said, “You know, school stuff.”

Many of the other people I invited had similar reasons for not showing up, whether it be “I was really tired,” or “I had another thing going on,” or jokingly stating, “No one showed up because you’re literally the worst person to party with.”

So, this presents a dilemma for students hoping, like I was, to not spend their weekend nights alone in their dorm watching Netflix. Rest assured, however, that this is completely normal, and how most WSU students spend their nights.