SATIRE: Special Valentine’s Day offers for Indian matchmaking services

We ensure your match aligns with society’s pressures, expectations!



We ensure that the families and the horoscope match because that’s what makes a beautiful, successful marriage!


Welcome to the Indian Matrimony Site! Seems like your daughter is old enough to be someone’s bondswoman. 

Did you ask how much it costs to match your daughter with a chauvinistic male? Huh—maybe $500, impromptu religious ceremonies to the all-giving gods, several intrusions from a nosy parker and your entire family’s tranquility. 

Sometimes we provide special offers to talk to multiple matches and guarantee the disappearance of your daughter. 

To get started, we would need some history – yes, we care about your daughter’s interests, too – but they are not going to align with your intentions on what you wanted her to do … so let us not waste too much time there. 

We need to know the family tree and its branches – starting with your religion, caste, sub-caste, creed and possibly your standard in society. It is very important that your daughter matches with the upper-class rotter.

And that is not all! Did we mention our free horoscope matching service?  We provide the best horoscope matching in the world!

The main task of our horoscope matching service is to consider the 36 “ashta-koota” points and make sure at least 18 points are satisfied from both horoscopes to ensure a successful marriage!

The planetary positions match several crucial factors like the lifespan of the bride and the groom, the quality of the marriage and the promise of children. 

Make sure to include the details of how fair-skinned, well educated (definitely not more than the groom!) and fine-fingered your daughter is at household chores! These are some pivotal factors in matchmaking. 

We are committed to delivering the best potent match to your daughter. 

Do not worry if your daughter decides to run away from this arranged marriage proposal: the fantasy of the western society’s dating app concept will make sure she finds the jag-off you expected her life partner to be!

And we could not be prouder to launch our first matchmaking app, “Karma” where her future is one swipe away! Due to locational margins, our app functions the best around the tech-centered regions – Seattle, the Bay Area, Boston, Chicago and New York!  

In order to cater to our customers worldwide, we also have separate applications based on your search location. You can find more information at